Six Degrees of Renunciation

Kevin Bacon Completely Un-Electable,

Forced to Denounce Everyone
The most un-electable person in America

Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY
Actor Kevin Bacon announced today that he is abandoning plans to persue elected office after exploratory efforts found he was un-electable due to his close association with everybody. 
“It is a sad commentary on the state of political discourse in our country,” he said in a statement issued by his publicist, “but it turns out being within six degrees of everyone just means I’m distrusted by everyone. Do you know how many objectionable people I can be linked to?”
Mr. Bacon had hoped that being closely connected to every living being in the United States and, for that matter, on the planet, would work to his advantage. He said he was shocked to find the opposite was the case. 
“Everyone likes being connected to me,” he said, referring to the popular game, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. “It’s being connected to everyone else that they can’t stand.”
He said he would now concentrate on other projects, including a new album by his band, The Bacon Brothers, a reality television show and a line of men’s skin care products.

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