Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Bailout Bonanza

FED BAILS OUT BERNIE MAC
Comedian Gets Check For $1.5 Trillion

One bail out too many?

Richieville News Service-WASHINGTON, D.C.
In its zeal to rescue the floundering mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the Federal Reserve Bank has also bailed out actor and comedian Bernie Mac, sending him a check for $1.5 trillion. An agency spokesman said the error was a clerical mistake.
"Look, we're working really long hours," said Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, speaking to reporters here. "Everyone's a little frazzled, so mistakes like this are going to happen."
Mr. Bernanke went on to explain that the Fed policy is to bail out banks and financial institutions that have been mismanaged, engaged in dubious business practices or swindled and defrauded large sections of the population. "Obviously, Mr. Mac doesn't fall into that category," he admitted. "Although we really enjoyed his work in Ocean's Thirteen."
Public reaction to the Bernie Mac bailout has been mixed. Although most Wall Street analysts felt it would not help the sinking stock market, some taxpayers welcomed the move.
"I'm sick of having to pay billions because some rich banker thought he could do whatever he wanted and the U.S. taxpayer would foot the bill," said Marvin Tolpuddle, a sanitation worker in Columbus, Ohio. "At least Bernie Mac makes me laugh. Did you see The Original Kings of Comedy?"
Mr. Mac made headlines just last week for an off-color performance at a fundraiser for presidential candidate Barack Obama. The actor could not be reached for comment, but through a spokesman released this statement: "I'd like to thank the American public for this wonderful validation of my work. It means so much to me. And I want to remind everyone who contributed to my bailout to tune in to my new sitcom, called Starting Under, this fall on Fox. I don't know if it's worth $1.5 trillion but it's funnier than the credit crisis, that's for sure."

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