Everybody Wins

Campaign Continues – Nation Rejoices!

All Eyes on Guam – Firewall Island?
Guam primary voter prepares to decide fate of nation, world.
Richieville News Service – INDIANAPOLIS
Today, a jubilant nation celebrated Hillary Clinton’s Pennsylvania primary victory, which assured the continuation of the race for the Democratic Presidential nomination. Across the country, in  living rooms and around office water coolers, in Internet chat rooms and in scuzzy dive bars, fans of political infighting breathed easy, knowing that the endless rounds of charges and countercharges, along with displays of beer guzzling and pancake eating, would go on for weeks if not months.  
“I was so worried that Clinton might win by a 20-point margin as originally predicted,” said Constance Washington of Indianapolis. “Or that Obama might somehow manage to come out ahead. Either one would have ended the race for sure. Now us folks in Indiana will get our chance to see all those great threatening television ads. I especially like the one where you think those cute kids are going to die in their sleep at 3 AM.  I just hope those spoilsports in Guam don’t ruin everything by handing either candidate a lopsided victory.”
She was referring to the all-important May 3 Guam primary, which is the latest in a series of decisive “firewall”contests. The desire to keep the battle going as long as possible seemed to be shared by many of the voters in Tuesday’s decisive Pennsylvania election, which followed the equally decisive “firewall”primaries in Texas, Ohio and the 24 decisive contests of Super Tuesday. 
“I know Obama is going to win the nomination, what with him having more pledged delegates and being uncatchable in the popular vote and all,” said Hillary supporter Al Greenwood, of Pittsburgh, “but I just didn’t want to end all the fun we’ve been having. With any luck they’ll be able to schedule 10 or 12 more debates before the convention.”
His sentiments were echoed by Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson, who expressed the campaign’s delight with the latest decisive decision. 
“Anyone who calls for unifying the Democratic Party at this point is out of touch with the values of small town, blue-collar, salt of the earth, beer guzzling, gun toting, white working class men. As far as I’m concerned, if you don’t enjoy being appealed to on the basis of fear, suspicion and ignorance, then you’re just some kind of elitist. “

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