John Thumb

McCAIN SHRINKS, DISAPPEARS

Two-Inch High Candidate Lost In Flower Bed
Secret Service agents searching for the Republican candidate.
Richieville News Service -WASHINGTON, D.C.
A spokesman for the campaign of Senator John McCain revealed today that the Republican presidential candidate had begun shrinking days ago and was now missing due to the carelessness of a campaign staffer. At turns tearful and defiant, campaign manager Rick Davis said the Arizona senator was last seen falling from the pocket of a senior aide, where he had been put for safekeeping.
“It all started when Obama went to Iraq,” Mr. Davis told reporters. He said that at first, the campaign had tried to hide the senator’s loss of stature by having him stand on a series of boxes, but his condition soon proved too hard to conceal. “He just kept getting smaller and smaller, with each new country Obama visited, till finally, after that speech in Berlin, he was no bigger than my thumb.” 
While Mr. Davis spoke, Secret Service agents could been seen combing a large flower bed outside of campaign headquarters. Officials held out hope that Mr. McCain’s experience as a combat pilot and prisoner of war would help him survive attacks by ants, bees or earthworms. 
“I know he’s trying to contact us,” Mr. Davis said, “It’s just that his voice is so high and squeaky, kind of like Alvin and the Chipmunks. But we all believe he’s going to make it – as long as he doesn’t run into any cats.”  

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