Worse Than Simon

Hamas Likes David Archuleta

Effect On Idol Voting Unclear
The radical Islamic group thinks David Archuleta is “dreamy.”
Richieville News Service –GAZA 
Pundits of the right and left, along with music industry executives and several million teenage girls, clashed today over what appeared to be an endorsement of American Idol contestant David Archuleta by the radical Islamic organization Hamas. The disputed remarks came at the end of a press conference given by Hamas spokesman Ahmed Yousef, when he digressed from his comments about the latest round of violence between Israel and Palestinians to say, “I really like David Archuleta. I hope he wins.” 
Later, in response to an unrelated question, Mr. Yousef returned to the subject, exclaiming, “Yo! Yo! Check it out! Randy’s right – that boy can sing the phone book, dawg!” He was referring to one of the three judges on the televised singing contest, record producer Randy Jackson. 
Mr. Archuleta, when told of the comments by the Hamas spokesman, giggled uncontrollably for several minutes and then said earnestly. “I am just so happy to be here. This is like a dream come true.”
Meanwhile, fans of the other finalist, David Cook, suggested that a vote for Archuleta would be a vote for terror. Tiffany Shuler, age 13, of White Plains, New York, issued a statement on behalf of herself, and her best friends forever, Amber Waletsky and Shawnia James. “David Archuleta is an appeaser and as we learned from the example of Neville Chamberlain surrendering the Sudetenland to Hitler in 1938, appeasement does not work.  Plus, David Cook is like, so totally hot! He rocks!” 
Producers of the talent show went out of their way to stress that Mr. Archuleta had not sought out the endorsement of the extremist group, saying that, “David Archuleta has absolutely no connection with any form of state-sponsored terrorism and in fact does not even know where Israel and Palestine are on the map.” 
 The controversy over Mr. Yousef’s remarks threatened to overshadow the war of words set off by his previous statements expressing a preference for Senator Barack Obama in the U.S. presidential elections. There was some speculation that the Islamic fundamentalist group was, in fact, trying to frighten voters away from Mr. Archuleta by tying him closely to a group that the U.S. has declared a terrorist organization. This line of reasoning is based on rumors that the Hamas leadership, like Ms. Shuler, has come to the conclusion that  Mr. Cook does indeed, “rock.”
Mr. Yousef concluded the press conference by also indicating Hamas’ preferences for Dancing With The Stars and the Tony Awards. “If Kristi doesn’t win, we’re going to be very upset,” he said. “I mean, did you see her tango last week?” In the Tonys, he said Hamas favors Xanadu, adding, “We just like kitsch, what can I say?” He also expressed the group’s pleasure at Whitney’s being named America’s Next Top Model. 
Whatever his motivation, the Hamas spokesman seemed genuine in his admiration for the American Idol show. “One reason we might consider peace talks is so we can all go to Hollywood for a taping. It would be great to meet Ryan and Paula and Randy. We dig them all so much. Except for Simon. He’s mean.”

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