Category Archives: angry

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Stop Worrying –

The “No Drama” Obama Way

Friends, do you wish there was less drama in your life? Are you worried, anxious, nervous, apprehensive or just plain stressed out? And by any chance, is one of the things you’re worried about the national debt? Well, stop worrying, because thanks to an astounding breakthrough in anger management and stress reduction, you can now solve both problems at once. That’s right – there’s a way to reduce the nation’s stress and its debt with one simple solution. What is it? It’s the ObamaSerenity Method for Anger Management and Stress Relief.

Yes, this revolutionary new system (actually a quite moderate system that some people just think is revolutionary) is guaranteed to let you keep your cool no matter what life throws at you.

You may have heard pundits on TV complain about the President’s annoyingly calm and laid-back manner. You may have heard his liberal allies beg him to once, just once, get angry at somebody, anybody. But tell the truth – don’t you secretly wish you could be just like him? Don’t you wish you could meet the challenges of life with the same tranquil, unruffled composure?

Well, now you can!

Just imagine being able to stay focused and calm during these all-too-common aggravating situations: 
• Someone shouts, “You lie!” while you’re addressing a joint session of Congress. 
• Right-wing talk show hosts and political fringe elements say you’re not an American citizen.
• As if you didn’t have enough problems, some greedy oil company creates an environmental catastrophe with an oil-spewing, unpluggable hole at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico.

What’s that? Sounds too good to be true? You don’t believe the ObamaSerenity Method can work? Well, guess what? You’ve already seen it in action! Yes, friends, this is the very same anger management and stress reduction method used by the President of the United States as seen on national TV. And now the ObamaSerenity Method for Anger Management and Stress Reduction can be yours!

On each disk of this handy fifteen-DVD set, President Obama will personally guide you step-by-step through every one of the anger management and stress reduction techniques he’s perfected over a lifetime of navigating America’s complex racial and cultural divides. Then he’ll show you how to apply those techniques to your very own anxiety-inducing problems. Lessons include:
• How to end two wars at the same time. 
• What to do when Greece’s national debt derails your economic recovery plans.
• Why it’s not, “your Katrina.”
• How to get called a Nazi, socialist, secret Muslim terrorist agent destroying the very fabric of America and laugh your way through it. 

And here’s the best part – if you act now, all profits from the sale of the ObamaSerenity Method will be applied to the national debt. That’s right, every penny you spend will not only help you become cooler and more Obama-like, but will help reduce the crushing burden of the deficit for generations to come! Why, it’s like getting twice the stress relief for the same price!

When you use the ObamaSerenity Method for Anger Management and Stress Reduction, your friends and co-workers will notice how confident and unflappable you seem. They may even ask you if you’re taking a new anti-depressant. And your unshakeable self-control will drive your enemies into a frantic rage.

Can’t wait to get started? Get  the ObamaSerenity Method  and feel better today, the no drama, Obama way.  

(Warning: The ObamaSerenity Method is not intended for use by liberal bloggers, conservative pundits or anyone whose political affiliations include the word tea. Will not improve your basketball game. Does not require a cloture vote before using. May cause periods of inaction followed by sharp bursts of rhetorical brilliance.)

Drama, Obama!

Obama Agrees To Get Angry Next Thursday
Rage Scheduled From 1:06 To 1:17 PM
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Bowing to critics from the left and the right as well as the counsel of his political advisors, President Obama agreed today to, “get really, really steamed,” during a press conference to be held next Thursday. In addition, the President, according to a source high in the administration plans to “vent a little,” as well as act, “totally pissed off.”
“They’re still debating whether he should be furious or merely livid,” said the source, who asked to remain anonymous. The President’s inner circle is reportedly split over the rage issue, with one faction, led by senior advisor David Axelrod, arguing for incensed, while another, headed by Vice President Biden, holding out for “F$#@ing mad as $#@&!”
Although Mr. Obama was elected in part because his calm, thoughtful and balanced approach to complex problems appealed to voters, and although he remains the most popular politician in the country by far, pundits in the media as well as a wide range of out-of-work political figures have been almost unanimous in their belief that the President needs to adopt a more wrathful and irate persona, at least in public.
“I’ve been saying Obama should get angry since he first announced his candidacy in 2007,” said  Troy Veneering, a writer for the blog, TroyVeneering. “I said he wasn’t angry enough just before he won the nomination, I said it again just before he won the presidency and I said it once a month for the past 15 months. I’m glad he’s finally listening to me.”
Although the President’s critics agree that the public is upset about the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the continued failure of the economy to produce more jobs, the lack of a financial reform bill, the ongoing war in Afghanistan, the conflict over the blockade of Gaza, the possibility that Iran is developing nuclear weapons, the rise of China as the dominant economic superpower in the global economy and the way that umpire robbed Armando Galarraga of his perfect game, they insist that what the American people really want is for Mr. Obama to lose his temper.
“Sure, it would be great if Obama could solve all those problems, or even some of them,” said Mr. Veneering. “But nobody knows how to do that – I sure don’t. But at least he can show the country that he ‘gets it,’ by acting really, really angry.  That’ll do the trick. Trust me.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.