Category Archives: British Petroleum

What’s In a Name?

Oil, Coal To Get New Names
Fossil Fuel Industry Launches Major Rebranding Campaign

Oil wells are a thing of the past.

Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C. 

In a major re-branding campaign aimed at countering negative public perceptions of their products, the fossil fuel industry today announced that oil and coal would be sold under new names, ones designed to highlight their “likeability” and “friendliness.”
“Oil and coal are things of the past,” said Terry Podsnap, a spokesman for Earth.Green, a fossil fuel trade organization. “Today, let me introduce you to Ollie and Carol, your energy friends.”

In addition to being the new names for oil and coal, Ollie and Carol are also the names of characters created by the same design team that came up with Wenlock and Mandville, the mascots for the 2012 London Olympics. According to press material, Ollie and Carol live in a magic organic garden at the base of an ancient redwood tree near an unspoiled wetlands in a house powered by the wings of friendly butterflies.
The public will be introduced to Ollie and Carol over the next few weeks through  print, television and Internet advertising,  YouTube videos and  Twitter posts. They will have their own Facebook page and the Disney Channel is developing an animated Ollie and Carol television program. 

Earth.Green said it hoped the re-branding effort would go a long way to repairing the damage caused by the Gulf oil spill and the recent West Virgina mine disaster.Mountain top removal for coal mining sounds bad,” said Ms. Podsnap, “but who could be against getting Carol out from under a ton of rock? Everyone is against oil spills, but Ollie on the water sounds like fun, doesn’t it?”

The Earth.Green spokesman said if the early response to the Ollie and Carol marketing campaign was positive the trade group would move ahead with its next re-branding effort. “Say good-bye to Global Warming,” she told reporters. “And say hello to Willy Weather!”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Give Till It Hurts

Republicans Plan Fundraiser For BP
Telethon To Aid Beleaguered Oil Company
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Leaders of the Republican Party, responding to what they said was a $20 billion, “shakedown,”  of the British Petroleum oil company  by the Obama administration, announced plans for a national telethon to raise money for the multinational conglomerate. 

Republican members of Congress, including Michelle Bachmann of Minnesota and Joe Barton of Texas, as well as GOP Chairman Michael Steele, have been sharply critical of the plan for a multi-billion dollar escrow account. The fund is to be used to compensate residents of the Gulf Coast for their loses due to the massive oil spill from BP’s Deepwater Horizon rig. Representative Bachmann called the plan a, “redistribution of wealth fund,” while Rep. Barton apologized to BP CEO Tony Hayward and called the establishment of the fund a “tragedy.” 

“It’s just typical of the Democrats to demonize big business,” said telethon organizer Connie Lammle. “By making BP and its shareholders pay the victims of the oil spill, aren’t we making BP and its shareholders victims, also? Isn’t it enough they have to cancel their dividend this quarter?  Why should shrimpers, fishermen and small business owners get all the help? We  think BP deserves some compensation, too.”

The BP Victims Telethon will be carried on the Fox News Network and be hosted by  Hollywood star and conservative author Chuck Norris and feature a song written especially for the occasion by songwriter and conservative pundit Kinky Friedman. The song, titled, “We Are The Oil,” will be sung by a roster of talented right-wing recording artists, said Ms. Lammle, “as soon as we can find any,” and then will be available for download on iTunes.
“We hope America opens its hearts and its wallets,” Ms. Lammle added. “You can call in your pledge, send in a check made out to BP or just take your SUV to the  nearest gas station  and fill it up with premium. It’s all for a good cause.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.