RECESSION IS OVER!
Credit Crisis Solved By
New Jersey Accountant
World Rejoices • Blue Skies Ahead
Richieville News Service- PARSIPPANY
Spontaneous celebrations broke out in major cities and small hamlets across the globe as the news spread that Rav Sengupta, an accountant from Parsippany, New Jersey, had solved the looming credit crisis that has been threatening the world economy and in doing so, had set the human race on a path toward new heights of prosperity. Mr. Sengupta, a graduate of Ramapo State College, said he found the solution quite by accident while playing around with a new version of the spreadsheet program, Excel.
“I was just messing around, looking at my Facebook page, shopping on iTunes and texting to a friend of mine while I was checking out the new features in Excel,” he explained via Twitter. “And I realized how easy it was to shift numbers from one column to another and I thought , ‘Hey, this would work for the credit crisis!'”
Mr. Sengupta’s brainstorm, in its simplest form, was to shift the debts accrued over the past decade from one column to another on the world balance sheets.
“After all,” he told this reporter, via Skype, “that’s what the debt crisis is, really – just a bunch of numbers on a spread sheet. If you know enough about accounting, you can shift them around any way you want.”
The Nobel Prize committee, meeting in a special session in Stockholm, announced that they had awarded the New Jersey business major a combined Nobel Prize in Economics and Peace. In their announcement, the committee said, “Mr. Sangupta, though his hard work, and with only occasional breaks to browse through clips on YouTube, has shown how the world economic crisis can be solved by shifting the debt from working people who would lose their jobs, their homes, their health care and their retirement savings to banks and bankers who now will lose, well, basically nothing. Now the debts are all cleared and we can start over. Problem solved!”
On Wall Street, the news of the resolution to the crisis was met with good-natured resignation. “Yeah, we knew about that solution,” said Goldman Sachs executive Carl Veneering. “We were just hoping no one else would figure it out. But since you have, what the heck, enjoy it. We can always make the money back next year.”
For more Richieville humor, read the sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.