Crips, Bloods Hail Supreme Court Gun Ruling
Latin Kings Still Studying Decision
The Crips are strict constitutional constructionists.
Richieville News Service – COMPTON, CALIFORNIA
Two notorious street gangs, the Crips and the Bloods, held a rare joint press conference here to praise yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling striking down the Washington D.C. ban on handgun ownership.
“Yo, this is a shout out to cuz Scalia,” said Robert “BK” Hayes, spokesman for the Crips. “We think his strict constructionist interpretation of the Constitution is in line with the intentions of the founding fathers. And if anyone gets up in our face about it, we’ll bust a cap in dat sucker!”
Standing next to him, Bloods leader Dion “Homeboy” Williams nodded in agreement. “Yeah, Madison and his crew were bringing it old school. The Second Amendment clearly states that the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.” When asked by a reporter about the language in the amendment referring to well-regulated militia, Mr. Williams replied, “Motherfucker, in our reading of the text, there is no ambiguity. If the Bloods ain’t a militia, then who is?”
The Bloods leader did acknowledge that over 30,000 Americans die as a result of gun violence every year, but quoted Justice Scalia’s decision for the majority saying, “The enshrinement of constitutional rights necessarily takes certain policy decisions off the table.” Reaching inside his red Bloods jacket, he added, “And my nine millimeter Glock says so, too! Peace out!”