Category Archives: God

The Creator and Job Creators

1 Reply
Lord Almighty Exempts Unearned Income

Richieville News Service – SALT LAKE CITY
Mitt Romney, who in past years donated millions to the Mormon Church, will be largely exempt from tithing in the future thanks to a new ruling by The Lord Almighty, Creator of the Universe, Omnipresent and Omnipotent Ruler of the Cosmos. The Divine Spirit issued a statement on Monday, saying that He/She/It had been swayed by arguments made by the Republican presidential candidates and that henceforth, income from investments such as capital gains, interest and dividends would be exempt in the eyes of God. 

Speaking from the planet Kolob, which Mormon scripture teaches is God’s home planet, the Supreme Being made the announcement through a burning bush visible in the sky from most of the Northern Hemisphere. 

“I don’t want to do anything to hurt job creators,” the heavenly voice declared. “Also it seems we have to reward risk-taking on the part of multimillionaires who otherwise would put their money in old mattresses or bury it in their backyards. So from now on, I’m just going to expect donations from the poor suckers who work for a living.” 
The bush went on to say that Governor Romney would still have to tithe on the income he received from speech making, but the Almighty didn’t expect it to amount to much since it was only about $374,000 a year. 


Read Richie Chevat’s comic sci fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Al Gore Incites God’s Wrath

Leave a reply

Global Warming God’s Punishment 

For Climate Change Theory

     
Did Al Gore cause global warming?

Richieville News Service – IOWA CITY, IA
The deadly tornadoes that have swept through the Midwest in recent weeks are God’s vengeance for the, “secular humanist theory of climate change,” according to Rev. Don. Druckee, pastor of the 24,000 member World of Christ megachurch here. The evangelical minister said the widespread belief that human beings could change the Earth’s climate had angered the supreme deity, who was now expressing his wrath by raising global temperatures an average of 0.84 degrees Celsius. 
“God created the world and its climate,” the Rev. Druckee said, speaking before the National Association of The World O’God Churches. “The idea that mere humans could alter God’s climate is not only arrogant but sinful. That is why God is melting the polar ice caps and turning Kansas into a desert – to punish us for believing in global warming.”
Rev. Druckee said that this punishment was similar to previous punishments the supreme being has meted out to the United States, including the destruction of New Orleans, the terrorist attack of September 11, the HIV/AIDS virus and the plague of serpents falling from the sky Mr. Druckee has predicted for August 27, 2009, 3:14 PM Eastern Standard Time. 
The outspoken minister did not deny that climate change is indeed occurring, and creating the extreme weather like the tornadoes that recently ravaged this state. However, he said the cause of the change was not carbon emissions from fossil fuels, but the blasphemy of liberals, gays and atheists like Al Gore. 
“Did anybody notice any global warming until Al Gore started going around talking about it all the time?” he demanded, to thunderous applause. “He just got God mad, boiling mad.” 
Although his address was filled with fire and brimstone, the Christian fundamentalist did end on a more hopeful note. If Americans would renounce the, “false prophet,” of climate change, then, Rev. Druckee promised, God would relent and end global warming. 
“It’s simple,” he said in closing. “If you want to end global warming, all you have to do is stop believing in it.”