Tea Partiers Buy Guns
To Defend Chicago Gun Law
Oppose Supreme Court “Nazis”
Symbols of the armed, pro-gun law movement.
Richieville News Service – CHICAGO
In a surprising turn of events, an Illinois Tea Party group protested the recent Supreme Court decision overturning a Chicago gun control law. The group said the decision was a dictatorial infringement of states rights and they planned to defend the gun ban with armed force if necessary.
“Real Americans must stand up against the spreading tentacles of federal power,” said Pat Veneering, who described himself as a leader of the group, the Oak Park Tea Patriots. “The Supreme Court has no right to say that local governments have no right to say that we can’t buy guns which is why we are buying guns to protest this Fascist infringement of our right to prevent ourselves from buying guns.”
Standing in front of an Applebee’s restaurant, Mr. Veneering used a bullhorn to speak to a small group of supporters while wearing a giant tea bag on his head. “First Washington rams health care down our throats and now this! Well, you can tell those Commie Nazis on the Supreme Court that they can have my right to nullification when they pry it out of my cold, dead hands.”
The rally came to an abrupt halt with the arrival of a second tea party group, the Oak Park Liberty Tea Party Patriots, who, unaware of the Supreme Court decision, had planned to enter the Applebee’s carrying loaded handguns in protest of the now-overturned law, which banned handguns.
“The Second Amendment gives us the right to carry loaded guns anywhere we want,” yelled one member of the newly-arrived group. To which Mr. Veneering responded, “The Tenth Amendment gives us the right to ignore the federal government.” The two armed groups briefly engaged in a tense shouting match which was finally resolved with the compromise of alternating slogans every five minutes.
“It’s simple,” Mr. Veneering explained, “unlike some socialist humanist liberal Nazis, we believe in the Constitution. Now you’ll have to excuse me – I’m late for a rally to repeal the 14th Amendment.”
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