Category Archives: John McCain

John Thumb

McCAIN SHRINKS, DISAPPEARS

Two-Inch High Candidate Lost In Flower Bed
Secret Service agents searching for the Republican candidate.
Richieville News Service -WASHINGTON, D.C.
A spokesman for the campaign of Senator John McCain revealed today that the Republican presidential candidate had begun shrinking days ago and was now missing due to the carelessness of a campaign staffer. At turns tearful and defiant, campaign manager Rick Davis said the Arizona senator was last seen falling from the pocket of a senior aide, where he had been put for safekeeping.
“It all started when Obama went to Iraq,” Mr. Davis told reporters. He said that at first, the campaign had tried to hide the senator’s loss of stature by having him stand on a series of boxes, but his condition soon proved too hard to conceal. “He just kept getting smaller and smaller, with each new country Obama visited, till finally, after that speech in Berlin, he was no bigger than my thumb.” 
While Mr. Davis spoke, Secret Service agents could been seen combing a large flower bed outside of campaign headquarters. Officials held out hope that Mr. McCain’s experience as a combat pilot and prisoner of war would help him survive attacks by ants, bees or earthworms. 
“I know he’s trying to contact us,” Mr. Davis said, “It’s just that his voice is so high and squeaky, kind of like Alvin and the Chipmunks. But we all believe he’s going to make it – as long as he doesn’t run into any cats.”  

Border Trouble

Iraq-Pakistan Border Situation Grave

Czechoslovakia To Send Troops
The Iraq-Pakistan border conflict threatens to spread to other regions.

Richieville News Service – BABYLONIA

The situation along the border between Iraq and Pakistan, first reported by Senator John McCain, grew more serious today, alarming foreign policy experts who maintain that the border does not exist. The crisis threatened to spill over into the neighboring countries of Iceland and Argentina and worried observers as far away as Siam and Rhodesia.

Czechoslovakia, often cited by Senator McCain and which ceased to be a nation in 1993, offered to send troops to the troubled region and said its armored brigade would be joined by a cavalry regiment from the Holy Roman Empire and several legions from Carthage, although the latter could not be confirmed. The hope is to keep the Iraq-Pakistan border dispute from disrupting trade along the Silk Road to Cathay as well as stop raids by marauding bands of orcs from Mordor.
Senator McCain said in a statement released today that his knowledge of the situation along the Iraq-Pakistan border showed that he, and not his rival, Senator Barack Obama, has the foreign policy experience to successfully end the conflict between Mesopotamia and the thirteen colonies.