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Astronauts Defy Obama,
Head For Mars
Richieville News Service – HOUSTON
In a surprising turn of events, astronauts aboard the space shuttle Atlantis left the International Space Station a week ahead of schedule and instead of returning to Earth, set a course for Mars.
“Yeehow!” Commander Clyde “Bronco” Haverford said via radio to the mission control team in Houston. “We’re a-goin’ to Mars! And we ain’t a-comin’ back till we get us some Mars rocks!” 
Apparently the shuttle astronauts were upset about President Obama’s recent decision to push back any manned expedition to Mars until the year 2035. This was to have been the shuttle Atlantis’ last mission, with only two flights scheduled for the remaining two shuttle spacecraft.
In an exchange overheard by reporters at the Lyndon Johnson Spaceflight Center here, Commander Haverford expressed what he said was the crew’s  unanimous decision to take this impromptu detour.
“Twenty thirty-five? Y’all gotta be kiddin’ me!  I’ll be too old to go. Besides, this ole gal ain’t ready for the scrap heap, no sir. She’s got plenty of spaceflight left in her yet.”
Mr. Haverford said the crew had only docked at the Space Station to unload some unnecessary equipment and to take on a few more passengers. “Some of those Ruskies wanted to come along, so we said, get on board, pardners! Heck, they stay up here so long those boys in Moscow won’t even notice they’re gone.”
Mission control engineers said there had been no sign of the planned Mars attempt, though one NASA spokesman did say that just before liftoff the crew had asked for a complete set of Bruce Willis movies.
When asked how the crew planned to make the three-year, 70 million-mile round trip  in a shuttle that was designed to go a few hundred miles into earth orbit,  Mr. Haverford was quick to reply, “Good ole American can do spirit, that’s how. And if we run into any problems, we’ll just wing it!”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Richieville Science News – Outer Space Edition

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Fundamentalists Demand NASA Study

What Is Holding Up Sky?

What strange force is keeping the sky from falling?
In a switch, Christian fundamentalist groups have joined together to demand that NASA launch an in-depth study to determine what is keeping the sky from falling. The religious groups, which usually disdain scientific explanations for natural phenomena, said they were prompted to this unusual step by the failure of the sky to fall on Tuesday, when gay marriage became legal in California.
“There must be some kind of anti-gravity force holding it up,” said Rev. Don Druckee, leader of the National Association of World O’God Churches. “We began to suspect it when the sky didn’t fall after Massachusetts allowed gay marriage. Now we’re certain.”

Astronomers Discover Multiple Earths
Ours Is Still The Most Screwed Up


Astronomers are searching for a more screwed up planet. 

Swiss astronomers announced this week that they have discovered at least 45 Earth-like planets orbiting other stars. The newly-discovered worlds range in size from slightly larger than Earth to twice the mass of Neptune. However, the scientists were disappointed to find that none of them appear to be as screwed up as our own planet. 
“So far we have found no sign of war, poverty, global warming or rampant consumerism,” said Michel Mayer of the Geneva Observatory. “But we’re still looking.” The researchers said they were hopeful that with the right equipment they would someday find a planet that was not only habitable, but one that had been messed up even more than ours.
“We’re working day and night,” Mr. Mayer said. “We humans will feel a lot better about ourselves if we can just find sentient creatures with even more destructive habits than ours. And they’re out there somewhere. All we need is more time and a bigger telescope.”

NASA Designs New Space Suits
Knock Offs On Sale In China

Which is the original and which is the cheap knock-off?

NASA also made news this week when it unveiled designs for new, sleeker spacesuits. The new Constellation suits are  being built specifically for lunar exploration. They will replace the model that has been in use for the last 40 years.
Inexpensive copies of the spacesuits went on sale in Shanghai on Monday, the day before NASA’s announcement. To the untrained eye the copies appear identical to the NASA suits, and they are expected to carry a retail price of about $49.95 as opposed to the original, which will cost the space agency $745 million. They should be showing up in the racks of sidewalk vendors in the U.S. sometime next week.