Category Archives: New Orleans

Conjure This!

Leave a reply
Louisiana Expands Search 
For Lost Mojo
National Guard To Assist
Richieville News Service – NEW ORLEANS
Reeling from the second catastrophic disaster to hit their shores in five years, officials in Louisiana announced today that they were redoubling efforts to find the state’s lost mojo, believed to be the root cause of the phenomenally bad luck the state has been experiencing. National Guard units joined Louisiana State Troopers and local law enforcement officers in the hunt, which will now expand into Mississippi and Texas.
“We’re looking for a red flannel bag, about three inches across,” said Big Mama Odie, the Louisiana Commissioner  for Culture, Tourism and Hoodoo, “tied with piece of leather made from the tail of a female opossum.”
Ms. Odie declined to answer questions about the bag’s contents, although according to a source in the Governor’s office, they are said to include a black cat bone, snakeskin and tobacco snuff.
“The bag has been missing since July 2005,” Ms. Odie told reporters. “We don’t know if it was just misplaced or it was stolen by someone who means us harm, but we are working round the clock to get it back.”
Ms. Odie also would not comment on possible counter measures being planned by state authorities, including charms, curses, hexes, voodoo dolls or zombie incarnations.
“Just let’s say that whoever took this is going to be mighty sorry,” she said . “We don’t know a conjure to fix oil leaks, but we do know a few that will make you need a good dermatologist. Did you hear that, BP?”  

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Hot Air

Leave a reply

McCain, In New Orleans

Proposes Hurricane Defense Shield
John McCain vowed to fight hurricanes.

Richieville News Service – KENNER, LA
Seeking to distance himself even further from George Bush, Senator John McCain delivered a major address here today and vowed that the mistakes made in response to the destruction of hurricane Katrina would not be repeated under his administration. The candidate went on to propose a multi-billion dollar hurricane defense system consisting of long-range missile installations around the Gulf Coast and Caribbean. The system would, as the senator put it,”fight hurricanes and other low pressure systems and never give up, not ever.”
It was not immediately clear how missiles armed with multiple warheads would be an effective defense against hurricanes or if the countries of the area, several of whom have strained relations with the U.S, would agree to the placement of the weapons on their territory.
Martin P. Thackery, a climatologist with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, was asked if such a system would be useful in stopping or at least mitigating the effects of massive tropical storms. He replied. “No.” Other climate experts seemed to be in agreement with his assessment of the senator’s plan. 
In spite of this, Senator McCain vowed to press on with his plan, saying, “The only way to oppose force is with force. My opponent will tell you we can’t win the fight against hurricanes like Katrina, that it’s time to surrender. But I can look you straight in the eye and tell you this will work. And I plan to keep at it, even if it takes a hundred years.”