Category Archives: New York City

Mosque Mania Part III

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Group Calls For Expedition
To Free Hallowed Ground
En Route, Demonstrators Lay Siege To Milwaukee

 An earlier demonstration.
Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY
A group calling itself The New Knights of 9/11 said today it was pressing forward with its plans to send an expeditionary force  to New York City to, as they put it, “reclaim the hallowed ground of Ground Zero.” This announcement came despite numerous reports of  instances of plunder and pillage by marauding bands of demonstrators en route to Lower Manhattan. 
Rev. Gregory Urban VII, the spiritual leader of the Las Vegas  megachurch, Clermont Council, restated his original call for the cross-country campaign, saying that, “god-fearing Americans must to travel to the East, by plane, on foot or by RV, to free the holy territory of Park Place and West Broadway.” Reverend Urban was referring to the plan to build an Islamic community center in the neighborhood, two blocks from the former site of the World Trade Center.  
The minister denied that he was calling for a religious crusade. “This isn’t about religion,” he said. “It’s about the fact that they’re Muslims.”  He also said that the campaign was not aimed at other businesses within a two-block radius of the Ground Zero site, such as strip clubs like the  New York Dolls Gentleman’s Club and the Pussycat Lounge or Thunder Lingerie, a sex shop with a peep show. “We’ve got no problem with anyone else,” he said. “Unless it’s an Islamic peep show – then they have to go.” 
Rev. Urban insisted that his movement was not responsible for the actions of groups calling themselves New Crusaders who in recent days have left the original route of the protest to lay siege to Milwaukee and other Midwest cities, demanding tribute at the point of sword. “Crusades are messy things,” he said. “You have to expect a  little rape and pillage.”
Meanwhile, early arrivals of the New Knights movement were having trouble finding the site of the proposed community center. “We’ve got our catapults and siege engines behind the RV,” said a retiree from Branson, Missouri, who would only identify himself as Peter The Hermit.  “So we drove down to the Ground Zero site to reclaim the holy land, but we couldn’t find the mosque. It’s almost like it’s not at Ground Zero at all.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Mosque Mania

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GOP Plan Would Move 
Ground Zero To Alaska

The new Ground Zero?

Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY

Saying that lower Manhattan is no longer an appropriate place for a memorial to the victims of a terrorist attack that took place in lower Manhattan, Republican leaders unveiled a  new plan to preserve what they called the, “hallowed ground,” of Ground Zero by relocating it someplace other than New York City.
“New York is a nice place to visit,” said Roy Sowerberry,  a spokesman for the Republican National Committee, “but I wouldn’t want to build a World Trade Center memorial there, even if it is the former site of the World Trade Center.”
The RNC spokesman joined a growing list of Republican leaders, including former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, former Georgia congressman Newt Gingrich, and New York congressman Peter King who have been critical of the decision to allow an Islamic community center, including a mosque, to be built two blocks from the Ground Zero site. Conservative politicians and pundits say that construction of the center, which will include a swimming pool, a childcare center, a library and an auditorium, represents a victory for Islamic terrorism. And since New York City officials, including Mayor Bloomberg, have refused to block the project, these same critics say the only alternative is to move Ground Zero someplace else.

“Just because terrorists keep attacking New York City, that doesn’t mean  it’s the right place for this important monument to the war on terror,” said Mr. Sowerberry.  “Ground Zero should be someplace with real American values, a place that doesn’t allow people to just build houses of worship wherever they want.”


The GOP spokesman said that Wasilla, Alaska was at the top of the list of possible locations for the new World Trade Center memorial. “You won’t find any mosques in Wasilla, believe me,” he said. “Or any illegal Hispanics, or black people or gays. Just real God-fearing Islam-hating Americans.”

Mr. Sowerberry would not confirm that sites in Iowa, long considered America’s heartland, had originally been considered but had been rejected because gay marriage is legal in that state. He did say that Las Vegas had put in a strong bid to be the Ground Zero host but had been turned down because, as he put it, “they already have a Statue of Liberty.” 
Although Wasilla is considerably more remote than New York City, Mr. Sowerberry insisted this would be beneficial, allowing site administrators to keep out “undesirables,” who might want to visit the planned monument to freedom. “Our Ground Zero will be open to everyone,” he said,”just make sure you bring your birth certificate – if you have one.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.