Category Archives: oil prices

Energy Crisis Update

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Oil Countries Deadlocked
Should They Be Obscenely Wealthy Or Just Filthy Rich?
U.S. Secretary of Energy Samuel Bodman spoke in favor of “filthy rich.”

Richieville News Service – JIDDA, SAUDI ARABIA
Hopes for a breakthrough that would halt soaring energy prices were dashed today when oil exporters meeting here could not agree on exactly how stinking rich they should be. The emergency global energy summit ended without a hoped-for agreement to increase oil production. Instead, the representatives remained deadlocked, split between those who said that rolling in dough was sufficient for them at this time and others who maintained that they needed more money than they knew what to do with. 
“It’s a thorny problem,” said Saudi Oil Minister Ali al-Naimi, as he headed for his gold-plated Rolls Royce. “I mean, how much is enough? Is it having money to burn, or is it having cash up the wazoo? We have a lot of expenses, you know. Those madrassas don’t build themselves.” 
Although the Saudis did pledge a modest rise in their oil output, other nations said they either could not or would not increase production. Rafael Ramirez, president of the Venezuelan state-owned oil company, insisted that the company, which is expected to have revenues of over $75 billion in 2008, is just, “comfortably well-off.” Meanwhile, the Kuwaiti Oil Minister, Mohammed al-Olaim, would only admit  that the Kuwait Oil Company, “made a nice living.”
“How much money is too much?” Mr. al-Olaim asked reporters as he boarded his solid-platinum helicopter. “When we find out, we’ll let you know.” 

It’s An Honor To Be Nominated

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Transcript Of Remarks By Exxon CEO Upon 
Winning No-Bid Oil Contracts In Iraq

On Thursday, four Western oil companies (Exxon Mobil, Shell, Total and BP) announced that they are about to conclude a deal with the government of Iraq to return to that country after 36 years. The no-bid contracts represent the first step toward winning the rights to develop vast new oil fields in the country. Below are the remarks of Exxon CEO Len D’Eramo upon hearing of the contracts.

Wow! This is so exciting! I am completely surprised. This is a complete shock. I never thought we’d win. I can’t believe this is happening. When they called our name, I had, like, an out-of-body experience. (holding up contract) This thing is really heavy. Wow! 
First let me say, it is an honor just to be considered for these contracts alongside 40 other oil companies from Russia, India and so many other countries. I mean, it’s so hard to compare one oil company to another. 
Some are from countries that have troops in Iraq and some aren’t. Some were kicked out when the oil fields were nationalized 36 years ago and some weren’t. Some have advisors working in the Iraq Oil Ministry and some have been shut out by the US. occupation. But who’s to say that one is better than another? We all know that it’s the work that matters, not the trillions of dollars in windfall profits.
I have so many people to thank. There’s the 82nd Airborne and the 101st Airborne and the 25th Infantry Division and the 15th Marine Expeditionary Unit. And all the guys at Halliburton and KBR, and Don Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney who really believed in us from the start, and everyone in the news media who have been so very, very kind. And Shell and BP and Total – part of this is for you! 
I know I’m leaving someone out. I should have written a list! Oh, no! They’re playing the music! But I’m not finished! Oh! I want most of all to thank the American public who buys our products and supports us in so many ways. This is really for you. And … I know there’s someone else! Oh, thank you all so much! This is the best day of my life! I’m so surprised! Really!