Category Archives: Republicans

Those Were The Days

Republicans Hope To 
Ride Wave Of Nostalgia

Voters Yearn For Good Old Days Of 2008

 The good old days.

Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON
Republican strategists across the country believe they are poised to make big gains in the coming midterm elections, based on poll numbers that show many voters gripped by an unexplained wave of nostalgia for the year 2008. According to pollsters, this collective national yearning hits across the political spectrum and takes the form of a longing for a bygone era when life seemed simpler.

“Life seemed simpler then,” remarked Horace T. Pettigrew, an online used car salesman and  self-described Tea Party member from   Grand Rapids, Michigan. “David Cook was the American Idol – remember him? And the entire world economy was about to collapse. Boy, do I miss that.”

Mary G. Pendergast, a hair extensions importer from Fort Worth, also remembers 2008 as a high point. “That was the year Matt chose Shayne on The Bachelor.  Also we were fighting two open-ended wars in Asia. Why couldn’t things go on like that forever? Back then the whole world hated us – the way they’re supposed to. Plus, in 2008, I’m pretty sure we didn’t have any Muslims living in the U.S. We sure didn’t have one in the White House.”
Surprisingly, the desire to return to the days before Lady Gaga, 3-d movies and a national health insurance  law includes supporters of President Obama as well as opponents. Marvin B. Pottishaw, a video blogger from Sacramento, was an enthusiastic supporter of candidate Obama in 2008. “Before Obama I had never voted for a candidate I liked who actually won,” he said with wistful look.  “It was easy to have an opinion about politics – I just automatically hated anyone in power. Now I can’t tell if Obama is trying his best against very tough opposition or is he just another Democratic sellout? It’s very disorienting. At least with Bush  I knew what to think.”

While anecdotal evidence suggests that some voters may not harbor a wish to return to the idyllic days of 24 months ago, for others the choice is clear. “I’m voting for anyone who can restore things the way they were,” said Mr. Pettigrew. “There’s still hope. The Democrats haven’t been able to mess everything up. We still have an economic crisis, Afghanistan, tax cuts for the rich, global warming and a load of other stuff left over from the past. And  best of all, there’s still a couple of Bushes who haven’t been President yet.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Mosque Mania

GOP Plan Would Move 
Ground Zero To Alaska

The new Ground Zero?

Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY

Saying that lower Manhattan is no longer an appropriate place for a memorial to the victims of a terrorist attack that took place in lower Manhattan, Republican leaders unveiled a  new plan to preserve what they called the, “hallowed ground,” of Ground Zero by relocating it someplace other than New York City.
“New York is a nice place to visit,” said Roy Sowerberry,  a spokesman for the Republican National Committee, “but I wouldn’t want to build a World Trade Center memorial there, even if it is the former site of the World Trade Center.”
The RNC spokesman joined a growing list of Republican leaders, including former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, former Georgia congressman Newt Gingrich, and New York congressman Peter King who have been critical of the decision to allow an Islamic community center, including a mosque, to be built two blocks from the Ground Zero site. Conservative politicians and pundits say that construction of the center, which will include a swimming pool, a childcare center, a library and an auditorium, represents a victory for Islamic terrorism. And since New York City officials, including Mayor Bloomberg, have refused to block the project, these same critics say the only alternative is to move Ground Zero someplace else.

“Just because terrorists keep attacking New York City, that doesn’t mean  it’s the right place for this important monument to the war on terror,” said Mr. Sowerberry.  “Ground Zero should be someplace with real American values, a place that doesn’t allow people to just build houses of worship wherever they want.”


The GOP spokesman said that Wasilla, Alaska was at the top of the list of possible locations for the new World Trade Center memorial. “You won’t find any mosques in Wasilla, believe me,” he said. “Or any illegal Hispanics, or black people or gays. Just real God-fearing Islam-hating Americans.”

Mr. Sowerberry would not confirm that sites in Iowa, long considered America’s heartland, had originally been considered but had been rejected because gay marriage is legal in that state. He did say that Las Vegas had put in a strong bid to be the Ground Zero host but had been turned down because, as he put it, “they already have a Statue of Liberty.” 
Although Wasilla is considerably more remote than New York City, Mr. Sowerberry insisted this would be beneficial, allowing site administrators to keep out “undesirables,” who might want to visit the planned monument to freedom. “Our Ground Zero will be open to everyone,” he said,”just make sure you bring your birth certificate – if you have one.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.