Category Archives: spies

I, Spy? Part II

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Facebook Creates New “Foreign Spy” Status
Vows To Keep Information Private
Better check your friends list.
Richieville News Service – PALO ALTO
Delivering what it said was another improvement in service, the social networking site Facebook today announced that its 300 million users would now be able to choose “foreign spy” as a status for their profile pages. The announcement came soon after news that at least one of the alleged members of the recently-arrested Russian spy ring had a Facebook page. 
“This is what Facebook is all about, telling the world who you are and connecting with other people just like you,” said Mindy Lammle, Facebook Vice-President for Personality Definition. “This is especially important when you’re just starting out, infiltrating a new country. It makes it so much easier to stay in touch.”
Ms. Lammle promised that thanks to new Facebook privacy controls, spies would be able to limit viewers of their profiles to “friends,” “friends of friends,” or “friends in high-level government jobs.” She said it would be easy for foreign agents to set up their profile pages, using Facebook’s automated system to search their computers and upload their address books and she added that Facebook would never share  spies’ private information, including safe house addresses, secret codes and of course, name of employer.
Although so far  it has only been alleged that Russian spies are on Facebook, Ms. Lammle said she was sure the new status option would show that agents of many countries are already on the network. “People put everything on Facebook,” she said. “Why not this?”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

I, Spy?

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Unemployed Apply For Russian Spy Jobs 
Hope To Pose As Middle Class Americans

Richieville News Service – ARLINGTON

The SVR, the Russian spy bureau that replaced the KGB, was deluged with job applications  today from unemployed Americans following news that the FBI had arrested eleven people they alleged were part of a long-term Russian spy ring.  The Americans apparently were jealous of the middle-class lifestyles the Russian “sleepers” had enjoyed in places like Arlington, Virginia, Cambridge, Massachusetts and Montclair, New Jersey.
“If they want people to pretend to be middle-class Americans, why don’t they just hire me?” said Mark Hedges, an unemployed metal worker who said he had been sleeping in his car for the last three months. “I could do that with my eyes closed.” 
Lindsay Burns, who was laid off from her office management job a year ago, said she tried to apply for the Russian spy position as soon as she heard about the FBI roundup. “I figured there would be some openings, with the arrests and all.  I just hope the Russians don’t go in for this austerity approach adopted by the G20 nations and cut back on hiring. I could really use a  job.”
Like other applicants, Ms. Burns said she would have no problem meeting the requirements of the Russian spy job, which seem to include having a professional career, living in a nice house, shopping at the mall and taking  their kids to soccer games. “Plus, I think they have health insurance,” she added. She also said she was not concerned about betraying her country since, “It didn’t seem like those spies were really collecting valuable information. I mean, we don’t keep military secrets at Old Navy, do we?”

Ms. Burns said she was convinced she could do a good job of burrowing into American culture while satisfying her Russian spy bosses with reports on who won the most recent season of “The Bachelor,” and “The Biggest Loser.” “And I won’t make as many demands on them as those other spies,” she added. “Like the ones in New Jersey who wanted the SVR to buy them a house. I just want the SVR to know that I don’t need a house to fit into American society. A nice little condo will do nicely.”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.