Category Archives: Sweden

Yes, You Can!

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Swedes Prove Conclusively 
That Men Can Change Diapers
Country Fears International Backlash

Richieville News Service – STOCKHOLM
Having proved beyond a doubt that fathers, given the right training and incentives, can become competent caregivers for children, this Scandinavian nation braced itself for the inevitable backlash from men in other nations who now have absolutely no excuse for avoiding bottle feeding, burping, diaper changing and ass-wiping.

“We’re sorry, but facts are facts,” said Jan Janjansonson, Swedish Undersecretary of  Health for Toddler Wellbeing and Appreciation (Age 20 to 36 Months). “No matter what they say, men are quite capable of wiping a dirty bottom. Sorry, guys.”

The evidence of male diaper-changing ability is the result of the Swedish law, instituted in 1995, that sets aside two months of parental leave specifically for fathers.  Swedish couples get over one year of paid parental leave for each child they have. Men don’t have to take the two months off, but then that subsidy is lost to the family. As a result of this policy, 85 percent of Swedish fathers take time off from their jobs to be with their children, with no reported increase in child mortality rates, divorce or mental illness for either parents or offspring.  
Mr. Janjansonson said that in recent months, the Ministry of Health has been deluged with angry and often threatening emails and text messages from men in other countries, whose wives apparently keep asking them why they can’t be, “more Swedish.” In spite of this, he said the government had no plans to end the program. But he did have some words of advice for disgruntled fathers worldwide.
“They could go for marriage counseling,”  he suggested. “It’s just too bad they don’t live in Sweden – we subsidize that, too.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Eyes On The Prize

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Bush, Seeking Peace in Mideast

Threatens War With Sweden

President Bush issued a called for peace, “somewhere, anywhere.”
Richieville News Service – JERUSALEM
With the clock ticking on his presidency and frustrated with the slow pace of Mideast peace negotiations, President George Bush today threatened to invade Sweden if he was not immediately awarded the Nobel Prize.
“I’m a peace maker,” he said, speaking to reporters here on the first leg of his five-day, three-country Middle East trip. “Peace makers make peace. That’s what they do. And then they get one of those noble prizes on account of how noble they been. Well, where’s my prize?”
Mr. Bush went on to say that he had already brought peace, democracy and freedom to Iraq. “That alone ought to get me a prize. I mean, Al Gore got one just for a stupid slide show. Plus, climate change wasn’t even real when he made that thing. It was just a lucky guess. I tell you, if the Supreme Court gave out these noble prizes, I’d have about six of ’em by now.”
The President expressed his displeasure with the fact that chances for a quick peace accord seem dim. “When I was here back in January, I told you people that there was going to be peace before I left office in 2009. Well, what about it? It just don’t seem like anyone has been doing anything to make that happen. Don’t you people have any consideration for me? Don’t you know I’m the President?”
Mr. Bush dismissed the recent fighting in Lebanon, the worst in decades, as inconsequential. “Birth pangs of democracy,” he said, in a folksy twang. “That’s what you get when you give birth. You get pangs. You give birth, then you get pangs. Birth – pangs. You see what I’m talking about?”
He then repeated his intention of launching a military attack on Sweden. “They got my prize and if they don’t send it over, well, we’re just going to have to go get it. And if those peaceniks try to resist, I say, ‘Bring it on.'” A reporter pointed out that an attack on Sweden might be futile since the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded in the neighboring country of Norway. 
“Sweden, Norway, Sunni, Shia – whatever,” the President shrugged. “As long as I get to bring that trophy back to my ranch.” He then concluded with an impassioned call for peace. “I gotta have peace somewhere, anywhere, and I only got seven more months to get it. You people better get your act together. That’s not asking too much, is it? All I am saying, is give me a chance!”