Category Archives: tax cuts

Enough, Already

Rich Agree To Give Up Bush Tax Cuts,

Say They Finally Have Enough Crap

 Eleven is enough.

Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON
In a development that most economists believed  was impossible, thousands of wealthy Americans are making it known that they are willing to give up the Bush era tax cuts currently under debate in Washington. Although the news flies in the face of accepted views of human nature,  many of the nation’s affluent seem to have finally reached some sort of natural saturation point for material accumulation and are saying that they just don’t need any more stuff. 
“It was after I bought my twelfth house,” said Mark Veneering, who acquired billions after inheriting his family’s mountaintop removal mining business. “I kept forgetting where the front door was. At first I just hired someone to follow me around and show me the way out when I got lost, but then I thought, maybe I don’t really need twelve houses – so I sold one. So if you really think you need a few thousand bucks to do stuff like give kids health care, I guess I can spare it now.”
Mr. Veneering is not alone. Harry J. Lammle, who amassed a huge fortune by exporting expired infant formula to developing nations, had a similar epiphany. “One day I just woke up and it just hit me – I didn’t need a $75,000 watch. I realized it made a lot more sense to own two $35,000 watches. Now I finally feel I can afford to help pay for teachers and firemen and all that other stuff.”
Economists have been taken aback by this sudden turn of events. “We think this is a phenomenon known as the Mazuma Fatigue Horizon,” said  Professor Molly Brown of Northumbria University. “It occurs when one percent of the population owns more than 45 percent of all wealth in a society, a figure we are approaching in the U.S. Basically it’s a form of accumulation overload – after a while your brain just can’t process ways to spend any more money.”
Professor Brown cautioned that the new-found generosity of the affluent was likely to be temporary and that soon they would return to their steadfast refusal to give up a single plasma television, sport car or $800 pair of shoes. 
“I think you have a window of about two weeks,” she said.  “So if you need to fix any bridges or build a school or two, now is the time. Because after this, you can forget about it!”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Editorial

FIRE! FLOOD! FOOD RIOTS!

Time For A Rate Hike, Tax Cut Or Both?

Food rioters in Bangladesh want Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke to consider a rate hike – or food.
In light of the unusual and extreme weather being experienced throughout the U.S., such as the recent HISTORIC FLOOD LEVELS plaguing the Midwest, we find ourselves wondering if it isn’t time for Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke to to consider raising interest rates. It is true that in response to the MILLIONS OF HOME FORECLOSURES and fears of a TOTAL BANKING COLLAPSE, the Fed recently lowered its key funds rate to two percent. This seems to have stabilized investor confidence, at least for the time being. Yet with OIL AT $150 A BARREL, international FOOD SHORTAGES, fears of INFLATIONARY SPIRALS and RIOTS! RIOTS EVERYWHERE!!! we think it prudent to revisit the idea of a rate hike at this time.
Naturally, any changes in the key funds rate would have to be balanced with concerns about distortions in the commodities market brought on by accusations of RAMPANT SPECULATION along with the impact of DEADLY TORNADOES, WATER SPOUTS and WILDFIRES! WILDFIRES! WILDFIRES!!! There is the distinct possibility that these might weaken the economic outlook along with DROUGHT, CROP FAILURES and KILLER TOMATOES! YES, TOMATOES!! That’s why we also strongly back the idea of a new round of tax cuts to stimulate the ECONOMY IN FREEFALL! RISING UNEMPLOYMENT! GAS PRICES! AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE KILLER TOMATOES?? It goes without saying that any tax cut must be weighed against the FREAK HEAT WAVES IN JUNE, POWER SHORTAGES, FLOODS OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS! HAIL THE SIZE OF BOWLING BALLS! STARVATION! PESTILENCE! FAMINE! WAR!
We expect Chairman Bernanke to move expeditiously and THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE! We are confident that if DEATH! DOOM! DESTRUCTION! then market forces will go to work and make the necessary corrections ensuring a soft landing some time in DON’T FORGET THE KILLER TOMATOES!!!