Category Archives: tornadoes

Editorial

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FIRE! FLOOD! FOOD RIOTS!

Time For A Rate Hike, Tax Cut Or Both?

Food rioters in Bangladesh want Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke to consider a rate hike – or food.
In light of the unusual and extreme weather being experienced throughout the U.S., such as the recent HISTORIC FLOOD LEVELS plaguing the Midwest, we find ourselves wondering if it isn’t time for Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke to to consider raising interest rates. It is true that in response to the MILLIONS OF HOME FORECLOSURES and fears of a TOTAL BANKING COLLAPSE, the Fed recently lowered its key funds rate to two percent. This seems to have stabilized investor confidence, at least for the time being. Yet with OIL AT $150 A BARREL, international FOOD SHORTAGES, fears of INFLATIONARY SPIRALS and RIOTS! RIOTS EVERYWHERE!!! we think it prudent to revisit the idea of a rate hike at this time.
Naturally, any changes in the key funds rate would have to be balanced with concerns about distortions in the commodities market brought on by accusations of RAMPANT SPECULATION along with the impact of DEADLY TORNADOES, WATER SPOUTS and WILDFIRES! WILDFIRES! WILDFIRES!!! There is the distinct possibility that these might weaken the economic outlook along with DROUGHT, CROP FAILURES and KILLER TOMATOES! YES, TOMATOES!! That’s why we also strongly back the idea of a new round of tax cuts to stimulate the ECONOMY IN FREEFALL! RISING UNEMPLOYMENT! GAS PRICES! AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE KILLER TOMATOES?? It goes without saying that any tax cut must be weighed against the FREAK HEAT WAVES IN JUNE, POWER SHORTAGES, FLOODS OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS! HAIL THE SIZE OF BOWLING BALLS! STARVATION! PESTILENCE! FAMINE! WAR!
We expect Chairman Bernanke to move expeditiously and THE FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE! We are confident that if DEATH! DOOM! DESTRUCTION! then market forces will go to work and make the necessary corrections ensuring a soft landing some time in DON’T FORGET THE KILLER TOMATOES!!!

Al Gore Incites God’s Wrath

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Global Warming God’s Punishment 

For Climate Change Theory

     
Did Al Gore cause global warming?

Richieville News Service – IOWA CITY, IA
The deadly tornadoes that have swept through the Midwest in recent weeks are God’s vengeance for the, “secular humanist theory of climate change,” according to Rev. Don. Druckee, pastor of the 24,000 member World of Christ megachurch here. The evangelical minister said the widespread belief that human beings could change the Earth’s climate had angered the supreme deity, who was now expressing his wrath by raising global temperatures an average of 0.84 degrees Celsius. 
“God created the world and its climate,” the Rev. Druckee said, speaking before the National Association of The World O’God Churches. “The idea that mere humans could alter God’s climate is not only arrogant but sinful. That is why God is melting the polar ice caps and turning Kansas into a desert – to punish us for believing in global warming.”
Rev. Druckee said that this punishment was similar to previous punishments the supreme being has meted out to the United States, including the destruction of New Orleans, the terrorist attack of September 11, the HIV/AIDS virus and the plague of serpents falling from the sky Mr. Druckee has predicted for August 27, 2009, 3:14 PM Eastern Standard Time. 
The outspoken minister did not deny that climate change is indeed occurring, and creating the extreme weather like the tornadoes that recently ravaged this state. However, he said the cause of the change was not carbon emissions from fossil fuels, but the blasphemy of liberals, gays and atheists like Al Gore. 
“Did anybody notice any global warming until Al Gore started going around talking about it all the time?” he demanded, to thunderous applause. “He just got God mad, boiling mad.” 
Although his address was filled with fire and brimstone, the Christian fundamentalist did end on a more hopeful note. If Americans would renounce the, “false prophet,” of climate change, then, Rev. Druckee promised, God would relent and end global warming. 
“It’s simple,” he said in closing. “If you want to end global warming, all you have to do is stop believing in it.”