Clearing the Air for the Olympics

Beijing Halts Construction, Stops Sewer Service

Asks Citizens to “Hold It” Until September
Richieville News Service – BEIJING
Beijing officials have added sewer service to the list of activities that will be suspended in an intensifying effort to control air pollution before the Olympic Games. It will join steel production, new construction, oil refining and outdoor spray painting, all of which will be halted or severely restricted. Officials say the move is necessary in order to insure clean air for the athletes who will begin competing in the city on August 8.
“We’ve already reduced power plant emissions by thirty percent,” said Du Shaozhong, deputy director of the city’s Environmental Protection Bureau. “Cutting sewer emissions was the next logical step.” He expressed confidence that if the 17.43 million residents of greater Beijing would just stop going to the bathroom, ozone levels in the area could be brought within a range acceptable to the IOC, the games’ governing body.
Environmental groups expressed skepticism that shutting Beijing’s outmoded and ineffective sewer system would work. “It’s true that China’s sewer treatment is on par with its other environmental measures, which is to say, non-existent, “said Carissa F. Etienne, Assistant Director- General of the World Health Organization. “But this measure seems unlikely to do much good. After all, when you gotta go, you gotta go.”
Chinese officials denied this was the case. “The Chinese people have historically shown incredible self-control and will-power,” said Beijing acting mayor Guo Jinlong, a close associate of President Hu Jintao and former Communist

Party boss of Tibet. “We are certain that the residents of Beijing will do their part in preparing for this showcase of our great nation as a first-class 21st-century world power.”
Human rights advocates voiced strong concerns that the new “no-go,” anti-pollution policy would be even more draconian than the national “one child,” population control policy, but Mr. Guo Jinlong scoffed at the idea. Meanwhile, city officials were drawing up a list of steps that might help residents deal with the new rules, including, “holding it,” “hopping up and down,” and for those truly in distress, “visiting relatives in other parts of the country to use their bathroom.”

Toilets like this one will be off limits beginning May 1.

2 comments to Clearing the Air for the Olympics

  • While I support the heroic efforts of the Chinese government in their no go for now campaign, I worry this plan will create a new unforeseen ecological problem. To get around the edict millions of desperate citizens might turn to adult diapers. Going to the Olympics – don’t forget your nose plugs.

  • That’s an interesting point, Georgesjourney. I will have our Beijing correspondent follow up on the adult diaper angle. Thanks for visiting Richieville.

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