Another Financial Genius

Student Who Lied His Way 
Into Harvard Recruited 
By Goldman Sachs
Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY
Adam Wheeler, the 23-year-old student who has been accused of lying his way into Harvard University with fake transcripts, fraudulently receiving tens of thousands of dollars in financial aid, and making false statements on his applications for Rhodes and Fulbright scholarships today became the object of an intense bidding war on the part of Goldman Sachs and other investment banking firms eager to hire him.
“He’s our kind of guy,” said Goldman’s head of human resources, Mark D. Podsnap. “After faking his attendance at Andover to get into Harvard, he plagiarized the work of a Harvard professor to apply for the Fulbright. Now, that’s what we call innovation!”
Citigroup, Bank of America and several other investment banks also expressed interest in hiring the young man. The fact that he faced jail time for the charges did not appear to be a deterrent.
“Hey, as far as we’re concerned if you don’t have an indictment or two, you’re not doing your job,” said Mr. Podsnap. “Besides, have you seen this guy’s phony transcript? Just think what he could do with a mortgage-backed derivative.”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel Rate Me Red.

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