A Bit of A Bore

One Week After UK Vote
World Still Doesn’t Care
Parties Promise To Be Even More Like U.S.
Richieville News Service – LONDON
A mood of gloom and despair continued to fall over the United Kingdom as the realization set in that despite their best efforts to incite controversy and create an American-style electoral circus, their national elections continued to be of  little interest to anyone else.
“I mean, really, what do we have to do?” asked Clive Thistlecourt Hamptonwood-Jones, a spokesman for the Conservative Party. “We had three debates. On television, you know.  I say, one can’t really expect us to be more crass than that, can one? “
Mr. Hamptonwood-Jones pointed to other American-style touches that created quite a stir in Britain yet  failed to capture the imagination of the overseas public. “We hired American campaign advisers. Why, we even went so far as to use email. Email, I tell you!”
Mr. Leslie Piccadilly Brideshead-Devonshire, of the Liberal Democrats, was equally downcast. “When the Yanks elected Obama, the world went gaga. People were talking about it for months! Well, we just elected our first coalition government since 1972! I think that’s  damned exciting, yet everyone has already forgotten about it. I don’t like to complain but I feel we’re not getting the attention we deserve. Oh, did I mention we have an unwritten constitution?”

At the Labour Party, leaders were in frantic consultation as they charted a course for the party’s future. “We realize where we went wrong,” said party spokesman Addison Tate Post-Axe. “And we have the plans to set it right. Next time we’re going to nominate someone  who doesn’t look exactly like the other candidates. Perhaps someone with an African-sounding name like your Mr. Obama. Or perhaps someone who is completely unqualified, shallow and only good at repeating vacuous phrases and untruths. That will get everyone’s attention, don’t you think?”

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