Tab A, Slot B

Legos: Satan’s Plaything?

Pastor Says Plastic Blocks Promote Gay Marriage

Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Rev. Roy Sowerberry,  president and founder of the Family Defense Conference, a national conservative lobbying group, sent shockwaves through the toy industry today with his charge that Legos, the popular plastic building blocks, promote a liberal, homosexual lifestyle due to the multiple ways in which the individual blocks can be connected. The evangelical minister said that the plastic blocks encouraged, “cultural relativism,” and weakened family values by teaching children that there is more than one acceptable way for things to fit together.

“It’s just like Mike Huckabee said recently,” the minister told reporters at his group’s headquarters here.  “Let me quote him because he put it so well. ‘Male and female are biologically compatible to have a relationship. We can get into the ick factor, but the fact is that two men in a relationship, two women in a relationship, biologically, that doesn’t work the same.'”
“Mike Huckabee is right,” Rev. Sowerberry continued. “God has made it clear how he wants man and woman to fit together. But Legos fit together all kinds of ways: sideways, diagonally, one on top, three on the bottom or the other way around. There’s no limit to the ways they stick into each other. What message does that send to children?”
At this point in his remarks, the  minister took some of the toy blocks out of his pocket and demonstrated different positions to reporters. Upon questioning, he said the blocks were from his personal collection which he kept for, “research purposes only.”
“Legos look innocent,” he stated, “but they are more devious than they appear.  You might think those little round things on top fit into the round tubes on the bottom, but that’s not how they work at all.  The little round things fit into the space between the tubes and the walls. You can’t even tell what shape that is!”

He also pointed out that Legos are made in Denmark, which was the first country to legalize same-sex unions and where gay people are allowed to serve openly in the military. 
“And that’s exactly the same anything-goes mentality these toys teach,” he said. holding up a fistful of the brightly-colored blocks. “Just look how I can snap this big green one into this yellow one and this black one at the same time. You just can’t keep yourself from experimenting.”

Rev. Sowerberry said the Family Defense Conference would soon be introducing its own competing line of building blocks, Heterolegos, which would fit together in only one way. “Our blocks will offer no temptation to try things differently, just to see what it would be like,” he added. “Because it will be clear that there is one and only one way they can fit together – just as God intended.” 

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

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