An Offer They Can’t Refuse

McCain Offers Country Protection

Cites Fear That “Something Could Happen”

John McCain knows where you live.

Richieville News Service –WASHINGTON, D.C.
In a major policy speech today, Senator John McCain declared that the United States faced many threats both at home and abroad and in response to those threats, the candidate offered the country protection. Although Mr. McCain refused to name the threats or say exactly how he would protect the country, he repeated emphatically that only by accepting his offer could Americans feel safe.
“Terrible things happen all the time,” the Senator said, speaking to reporters at one in the morning in a parking lot behind a liquor store here. “Like, I don’t know, like maybe a terrorist attack. It could be something like that. Or maybe a rogue state. You never know.”
When asked by reporters to explain the consequences if the country refused his offer, Mr. McCain replied, “You all have such beautiful children. I’d hate to see something happen to them.”
The speech was unusual in the stringent security measures used to screen members of the press. Cameras and other electronic recording devices were confiscated beforehand and reporters were asked repeatedly if they were wearing a “wire.”
Mr. McCain stated that his Democratic rival, Senator Barack Obama was just not capable of protecting the people of the U.S. from grievous bodily harm. He also acknowledged that some voters might spurn his offer in spite of his clear warning not to do so. “Sure you have the right to vote for the other guy,” he said, grinning broadly. “And I’m not saying that if you do, something terrible is going to happen. I’m just saying, it could happen, you know?”

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