You Asked, We Told

Army Comes Out – Marines, 
Navy Still In The Closet
Coast Guard Says It’s “Experimenting,” 
Thinks It Might Be Bi
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Although the measure to repeal the policy known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has not yet passed the Senate, and would face months of Pentagon review before being implemented, it seems that large numbers of service members have decided this is the opportune time to reveal their homosexual orientation, including the entire 1st Infantry Division stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas,  the 1st Armored Division, at Weisbaden, Germany and the 82nd Airborne, Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Reports indicated that numerous other units had also “come out”, including the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Brigade Combat Teams at Fort Stewart, Georgia and elements of the 10th Mountain Division, Fort  Drum, New York.
“Oh, yeah, we’re all gay,” said Lt. Jesse McCullum, of the 82nd Airborne. “We decided not to wait any longer before coming out. You got a problem with that?”

Officials at the Pentagon, who have acknowledged for some time that tens of thousands of gay men and women were in the armed services, nonetheless seemed caught off guard by the revelation that the vast majority of soldiers are homosexual.

“We had no idea,” said Lt. Colonel Matthew D. Forest at the Pentagon. “I guess this solves our whole implementation problem. By the way, I’m gay, too. And the guys who’ve been enforcing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell? All gay. They were just overcompensating to hide it.”

When asked how this new openness would affect Army effectiveness, Lt. Colonel Forest replied, “Not one bit – we’ll just have one less thing to worry about. I just wish the Marines would come out already. They’re such wimps.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

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