Don’t Look Now

BP Exec Says Studying
Oil Leak Makes It Larger

Richieville News Service – NEW ORLEANS

In response to a new government finding that the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico is several times greater than originally estimated, executives from British Petroleum released their own study which they say proves the leak has grown larger with each new attempt to measure it. 
“I know it sounds weird,” said Herbert A. Podsnap, BP Vice President of Epistemological Research, “but each time you try to measure it, it only gets bigger. That’s why we should stop trying.”
Mr. Podsnap said that the phenomenon was possibly related to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle or perhaps the well-established paradox of not knowing if the refrigerator light goes out when you close the door. Apparently BP scientists were aware of this problem early on in the crisis, which is why they tried to restrict access to underwater video of the wellhead and other data.
“The leak was only 1,000 barrels a day when it started,” he said. “You can look it up – it’s right there in our press release. But each time someone studied it, it got bigger. First it went to 5,000 barrels, then 19,000. Now it’s up to 40,000 barrels a day, maybe more. I tell you, we all need to stop looking at this before it’s too late!”

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