The Turtles! The Turtles!

Sea Turtles Change Migration Route Surround BP Headquarters 
Biologists At Loss To Explain Strange Behavior
Richieville News Service – LONDON
Biologists today remain mystified over strange new migration patterns on the part of rare  Kemp’s Ridley sea turtles, apparently a result of the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. The turtles, natives of the Gulf, are usually guided by instinct to swim over hundreds of miles of open sea to return to the same beaches on which they were hatched. Now, however, they have journeyed across the Atlantic to St. James Square, London, where thousands of them have surrounded the headquarters of British Petroleum.
“It’s quite amazing, really,” said Dr. Phyllis J. Chelonia, Professor of Amphibian and Reptilian Psychology at Northumbria University. “Not only did these magnificent creatures swim over seven thousand kilometers, but they also managed to cross Piccadilly Circus without being run down.” 
Dr. Chelonia and other biologists at the scene could not explain why the 100-pound aquatic animals had made the trip or for that matter, why they were ominously perched in large clusters on trees branches and utility poles.  
“Do you see the way they’re balancing on those power lines?” she remarked to this reporter. “They must have some inborn gyroscopic mechanism. It’s fascinating.”
Ms. Melanie Daniels, sitting at the wheel of her silver Aston Martin sports car, said that she first saw the turtles when they came ashore near a pet shop in Brighton. “I had just purchased two pet turtles for this young man I know when the sea turtles waded ashore and started marching up the A23. It was like they knew where they were going.”
There were reports that the first Kemp’s Ridleys to arrive had thrown themselves against the glass doors of the BP office, but then retreated to their current positions on street lamps and ledges of nearby buildings. However, Dr. Chelonia scoffed at the idea that the reptiles were capable of some sort of organized attack on the corporation that had befouled their natural habitat and threatened them with extinction.
“Turtles are vegetarians and non aggressive species,” she said. “In addition, they do not possess the intelligence to mount a coordinated campaign of this sort. The idea that they would menace humans is simply absurd. Besides what would they do if they did attack? Peck us to death?”



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