Republicans Hope To
Ride Wave Of Nostalgia
Voters Yearn For Good Old Days Of 2008
The good old days.
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON
Republican strategists across the country believe they are poised to make big gains in the coming midterm elections, based on poll numbers that show many voters gripped by an unexplained wave of nostalgia for the year 2008. According to pollsters, this collective national yearning hits across the political spectrum and takes the form of a longing for a bygone era when life seemed simpler.
“Life seemed simpler then,” remarked Horace T. Pettigrew, an online used car salesman and self-described Tea Party member from Grand Rapids, Michigan. “David Cook was the American Idol – remember him? And the entire world economy was about to collapse. Boy, do I miss that.”
Mary G. Pendergast, a hair extensions importer from Fort Worth, also remembers 2008 as a high point. “That was the year Matt chose Shayne on The Bachelor. Also we were fighting two open-ended wars in Asia. Why couldn’t things go on like that forever? Back then the whole world hated us – the way they’re supposed to. Plus, in 2008, I’m pretty sure we didn’t have any Muslims living in the U.S. We sure didn’t have one in the White House.”
Surprisingly, the desire to return to the days before Lady Gaga, 3-d movies and a national health insurance law includes supporters of President Obama as well as opponents. Marvin B. Pottishaw, a video blogger from Sacramento, was an enthusiastic supporter of candidate Obama in 2008. “Before Obama I had never voted for a candidate I liked who actually won,” he said with wistful look. “It was easy to have an opinion about politics – I just automatically hated anyone in power. Now I can’t tell if Obama is trying his best against very tough opposition or is he just another Democratic sellout? It’s very disorienting. At least with Bush I knew what to think.”
While anecdotal evidence suggests that some voters may not harbor a wish to return to the idyllic days of 24 months ago, for others the choice is clear. “I’m voting for anyone who can restore things the way they were,” said Mr. Pettigrew. “There’s still hope. The Democrats haven’t been able to mess everything up. We still have an economic crisis, Afghanistan, tax cuts for the rich, global warming and a load of other stuff left over from the past. And best of all, there’s still a couple of Bushes who haven’t been President yet.”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.