Rich Agree To Give Up Bush Tax Cuts,
Say They Finally Have Enough Crap
Eleven is enough.
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON
In a development that most economists believed was impossible, thousands of wealthy Americans are making it known that they are willing to give up the Bush era tax cuts currently under debate in Washington. Although the news flies in the face of accepted views of human nature, many of the nation’s affluent seem to have finally reached some sort of natural saturation point for material accumulation and are saying that they just don’t need any more stuff.
“It was after I bought my twelfth house,” said Mark Veneering, who acquired billions after inheriting his family’s mountaintop removal mining business. “I kept forgetting where the front door was. At first I just hired someone to follow me around and show me the way out when I got lost, but then I thought, maybe I don’t really need twelve houses – so I sold one. So if you really think you need a few thousand bucks to do stuff like give kids health care, I guess I can spare it now.”
Mr. Veneering is not alone. Harry J. Lammle, who amassed a huge fortune by exporting expired infant formula to developing nations, had a similar epiphany. “One day I just woke up and it just hit me – I didn’t need a $75,000 watch. I realized it made a lot more sense to own two $35,000 watches. Now I finally feel I can afford to help pay for teachers and firemen and all that other stuff.”
Economists have been taken aback by this sudden turn of events. “We think this is a phenomenon known as the Mazuma Fatigue Horizon,” said Professor Molly Brown of Northumbria University. “It occurs when one percent of the population owns more than 45 percent of all wealth in a society, a figure we are approaching in the U.S. Basically it’s a form of accumulation overload – after a while your brain just can’t process ways to spend any more money.”
Professor Brown cautioned that the new-found generosity of the affluent was likely to be temporary and that soon they would return to their steadfast refusal to give up a single plasma television, sport car or $800 pair of shoes.
“I think you have a window of about two weeks,” she said. “So if you need to fix any bridges or build a school or two, now is the time. Because after this, you can forget about it!”
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