Bulls Or Bears?

Bankers To Be Traded Like NBA Stars
Will Get Endorsement Deals, Bubblegum Cards
He only gets a measly $18 million a year.

Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY

Inspired by the media frenzy over LeBron James’ decision to play for the Miami Heat, several large banks and hedge funds have decided to band together and form their own NBA, or National Bankers’ Association. In the new NBA, banks will not only compete for billions in profit, but for a national championship called the Lucre Cup, and bankers will be traded in the same way as professional athletes.

“People got so excited about LeBron,” said Julius Veneering, the new commissioner of the banking NBA. “But what does he make? A lousy $18 million a year.  Peanuts compared to some hedge fund managers! People complain that athletes get paid obscene sums for throwing a ball through a hoop. But our players get paid that much for doing absolutely nothing.” 
In the new league, major banks and hedge funds would be assigned to cities, although their headquarters would remain in New York. Proposed teams include the Bank of America Greenbacks, the Wells Fargo Simoleons and the Chase Manhattan Moolahs.  Fans will be able to collect National Banking Association trading cards and wear the jerseys of their favorite banker, although it is expected that all NBA teams will wear pinstripes.

Mr. Veneering said he expected top bankers to be offered lucrative endorsement deals. “I mean, who would you rather have on a Wheaties box?” he asked. “Some ridiculously overpaid, spoiled athlete or some even more ridiculously  overpaid, spoiled investment banker? Who’s a better role model for our kids? Bankers may rip off the entire country but at least they don’t take steroids.”
“We’ve known for a long time that money is America’s religion – but we think it should also be our national pastime. We’ve made money by trading everything else you can imagine – now we’re going to trade ourselves.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

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