In Response To Attacks, 
New Yorkers Insist: 
“We’re Not Real Americans”

Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY
On the streets of the five boroughs, from Coney Island to the Bronx, the citizens of New York City seem to have spontaneously arrived at the same response to Saturday’s failed bomb attack in Times Square: If would-be terrorists want to strike at America, they’re picking the wrong target.

“Tell these nuts that they’re attacking the wrong city,” said Shanti Rainbow Arapaho-Friedlander, an unemployed organic pet music therapist from Williamsburg, Brooklyn. “We’re not the real America – just ask Sarah Pallin. We’re latte-sipping, arugula-munching elitists, so why don’t these maniacs leave us alone and go bomb someone else?”

Ms. Arapaho-Friedlander’s sentiments were shared by Mauricio Dellarrobia, a part-time media analyst for the fashion consulting industry. “I get it that these fanatics hate America,” he said while sipping a vente cinnamon machiato latte in Greenwich Village, “but that’s not us. We’re not real Americans. We’re Chablis-swilling, tree-hugging, liberal snobs.”

Sitting at a nearby cafe, a sand-painting street artist who goes by the name of Beezle echoed the thoughts of many New Yorkers. “I don’t want anyone to be attacked,” he said as he shared a bottle of Chablis with his friend, a model and dog groomer who goes by the name of Avante. “But why do they keep picking on us? Everyone knows New York City is not part of America. Don’t these Islamic radicals watch Fox News?”