Author Archives: Richie

The Tip Of The Iceberg

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Giant Ice Island In Arctic 
Released By Polar Bears

Are they sending us a message?

Richieville News Service – NUUK
A giant island of ice, more than four times the size of Manhattan, currently drifting towards the shipping lanes of the North Atlantic, did not separate from its glacier naturally as previously believed, say meteorologists. Instead, it appears the massive iceberg was created by hundreds of polar bears who either gnawed, scratched, or in some cases, urinated on the ice floe to break it off and send it floating toward more southern latitudes.
“The bears definitely did this,” said Dr. Hugh Lofting, head of the international team of scientists who traveled by helicopter to examine the ice island off the coast of Greenland. “Somehow they worked together to cut loose a massive section of the glacier. We think they must have been really pissed off.”
Dr. Lofting, who heads the Department of Ursine Psychology at Northumbria University, said his team was still trying to determine if the bears were intentionally trying to disrupt shipping or were merely trying to attract media attention. “We know that polar bears have been under a lot of stress lately,” he commented. “With global warming they’ve been forced to swim farther and farther to get to their fishing grounds at the edge of the ice cap. Some of them have been lost at sea and drowned. Others have starved to death. You can  see how this would make them angry.”
Skeptics immediately refuted the idea that polar bears had the intelligence or social organization to carry off such a large scale engineering project, either as a protest or for some other unexplained reason. But Dr. Lofting said his team remained convinced that the bears were attempting what he said was, “a publicity stunt.”
“Look, there was no note or anything,” said Dr. Lofting,  “Probably because bears can’t write.  But  we  don’t think we need a note to understand what they were trying to say. After all, the whole island is covered with bear crap.”  
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Mosque Mania

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GOP Plan Would Move 
Ground Zero To Alaska

The new Ground Zero?

Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY

Saying that lower Manhattan is no longer an appropriate place for a memorial to the victims of a terrorist attack that took place in lower Manhattan, Republican leaders unveiled a  new plan to preserve what they called the, “hallowed ground,” of Ground Zero by relocating it someplace other than New York City.
“New York is a nice place to visit,” said Roy Sowerberry,  a spokesman for the Republican National Committee, “but I wouldn’t want to build a World Trade Center memorial there, even if it is the former site of the World Trade Center.”
The RNC spokesman joined a growing list of Republican leaders, including former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, former Georgia congressman Newt Gingrich, and New York congressman Peter King who have been critical of the decision to allow an Islamic community center, including a mosque, to be built two blocks from the Ground Zero site. Conservative politicians and pundits say that construction of the center, which will include a swimming pool, a childcare center, a library and an auditorium, represents a victory for Islamic terrorism. And since New York City officials, including Mayor Bloomberg, have refused to block the project, these same critics say the only alternative is to move Ground Zero someplace else.

“Just because terrorists keep attacking New York City, that doesn’t mean  it’s the right place for this important monument to the war on terror,” said Mr. Sowerberry.  “Ground Zero should be someplace with real American values, a place that doesn’t allow people to just build houses of worship wherever they want.”


The GOP spokesman said that Wasilla, Alaska was at the top of the list of possible locations for the new World Trade Center memorial. “You won’t find any mosques in Wasilla, believe me,” he said. “Or any illegal Hispanics, or black people or gays. Just real God-fearing Islam-hating Americans.”

Mr. Sowerberry would not confirm that sites in Iowa, long considered America’s heartland, had originally been considered but had been rejected because gay marriage is legal in that state. He did say that Las Vegas had put in a strong bid to be the Ground Zero host but had been turned down because, as he put it, “they already have a Statue of Liberty.” 
Although Wasilla is considerably more remote than New York City, Mr. Sowerberry insisted this would be beneficial, allowing site administrators to keep out “undesirables,” who might want to visit the planned monument to freedom. “Our Ground Zero will be open to everyone,” he said,”just make sure you bring your birth certificate – if you have one.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.