Tea Party, Amish, Hasids To Meet,
Choose Favorite Era Of Distant Past
Choose Favorite Era Of Distant Past
A planning meeting for the conference.
Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY
Leaders of groups representing the U.S. Tea Party movement, the Amish people of Pennsylvania, and several Hasidic congregations of Brooklyn have agreed to meet next month with the aim of choosing a common favorite period from the distant past.
“For decades conservatives have wanted to go back to the 1950’s, when discrimination was legal, women knew their place and there were no gay people,” said Herbert Sowerberry, a spokesman for the Tea Party movement. “But that’s not far enough. We believe what this country needs is to go back even further, to the good old days when most people were illiterate and the nearest government was a day’s ride away by horseback. So we looked around to see who had the most experience rejecting modern life.”
Of his group’s proposed alliance with ultra-orthodox Jewish sects, Mr. Sowerberry said, “It’s simple. We want to return to the agrarian economy of America around 1790. The Hasids want to remain as they were in Poland around 1730. I admit there are some differences, but the main thing is we both want to live in an idealized version of the past.”
At the conference, to be held at Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia, the Tea Party and the Hasids will be joined by a regiment of Civil War re-enactors, a Stone Age tribe from New Guinea and the employees of the Renaissance Faire of Tuxedo Park, N.Y. The groups must also find a way to accommodate the Amish, a branch of the Mennonite Church who have forsworn electricity and other modern inventions in favor of the peasant lifestyle of late-17th Century Switzerland.
The Tea Party leader emphasized that all the groups want a society based on religious values, and merely had to decide which religion that should be. He also said that the Taliban, which desires to live as the followers of the prophet Muhammad did in Seventh Century Arabia, initially applied to be part of the conference but their participation was canceled because of the likelihood that they would try to kill everyone else in attendance.
“We’re still working out the details,” Mr. Sowerberry said of the planned Utopia. “We really don’t want to give up electricity, but we might be willing to trade that if the other groups will adopt English as their official language. However, there are two things we will not compromise on – small government and a working post office so our members can get their Social Security checks. Plus those Renaissance Faire people can forget about it, because I am not wearing tights.”
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