The “No Drama” Obama Way
Yes, this revolutionary new system (actually a quite moderate system that some people just think is revolutionary) is guaranteed to let you keep your cool no matter what life throws at you.
You may have heard pundits on TV complain about the President’s annoyingly calm and laid-back manner. You may have heard his liberal allies beg him to once, just once, get angry at somebody, anybody. But tell the truth – don’t you secretly wish you could be just like him? Don’t you wish you could meet the challenges of life with the same tranquil, unruffled composure?
Well, now you can!
Just imagine being able to stay focused and calm during these all-too-common aggravating situations:
• Someone shouts, “You lie!” while you’re addressing a joint session of Congress.
• Right-wing talk show hosts and political fringe elements say you’re not an American citizen.
• As if you didn’t have enough problems, some greedy oil company creates an environmental catastrophe with an oil-spewing, unpluggable hole at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico.
What’s that? Sounds too good to be true? You don’t believe the ObamaSerenity Method can work? Well, guess what? You’ve already seen it in action! Yes, friends, this is the very same anger management and stress reduction method used by the President of the United States as seen on national TV. And now the ObamaSerenity Method for Anger Management and Stress Reduction can be yours!
On each disk of this handy fifteen-DVD set, President Obama will personally guide you step-by-step through every one of the anger management and stress reduction techniques he’s perfected over a lifetime of navigating America’s complex racial and cultural divides. Then he’ll show you how to apply those techniques to your very own anxiety-inducing problems. Lessons include:
• How to end two wars at the same time.
• What to do when Greece’s national debt derails your economic recovery plans.
• Why it’s not, “your Katrina.”
• How to get called a Nazi, socialist, secret Muslim terrorist agent destroying the very fabric of America and laugh your way through it.
And here’s the best part – if you act now, all profits from the sale of the ObamaSerenity Method will be applied to the national debt. That’s right, every penny you spend will not only help you become cooler and more Obama-like, but will help reduce the crushing burden of the deficit for generations to come! Why, it’s like getting twice the stress relief for the same price!
When you use the ObamaSerenity Method for Anger Management and Stress Reduction, your friends and co-workers will notice how confident and unflappable you seem. They may even ask you if you’re taking a new anti-depressant. And your unshakeable self-control will drive your enemies into a frantic rage.
(Warning: The ObamaSerenity Method is not intended for use by liberal bloggers, conservative pundits or anyone whose political affiliations include the word tea. Will not improve your basketball game. Does not require a cloture vote before using. May cause periods of inaction followed by sharp bursts of rhetorical brilliance.)
