Climate Change Critics Faint From Heat
Outdoor Press Conference Canceled
Richieville News Service – NEW YORK CITY
An outdoor press conference in Lower Manhattan called to dispute claims of global warming had to be canceled today when several of the scheduled speakers were felled by heat exhaustion. New York City, like much of the Northeast, has been suffering through a record-breaking heat wave, with temperatures hitting over 100 degrees. But organizers of the event said the unusual temperatures would have no effect on their views of climate change.
“A few days of record-breaking temperatures don’t prove anything,” said Stanley Merdle, a meteorologist for WKRP in Cincinnati, and one of the climate change critics who had been scheduled to speak. “Neither does the hottest year on record, the hottest decade on record, the melting glaciers, the thawing permafrost, the persistent drought in parts of Africa, the drowning polar bears, the giant hurricanes, the early arrival of spring, the changes in ocean currents or the fact that I almost passed out after walking one block down Broadway.”
Mr. Merdle spoke from the air-conditioned safety of the lobby of an office building where he and the other climate change deniers had taken refuge after experiencing fainting spells, heart palpitations and severe heat rash after standing outside for five minutes. In between gulps of water, the weatherman waved a thick stack of papers which he said was a study that proved climate change does not exist. The study, conducted by a research organization called Concerned Scientists For Climate, was funded by the American Petroleum Institute.
“Now, snowstorms are entirely different,” Mr. Merdle continued. “Remember Snowmaggedon, back in February? And the way Senator Inhofe built an igloo on his front lawn and called it Al Gore’s home? This heat wave doesn’t mean a thing, but a blizzard? In February? I mean, what other proof do you need? Now, excuse me while I go jump in the East River.”
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