Confused by shifting alliances in the conflict in Afghanistan, a Taliban group known as the  Haqqani network today declared itself an, “enemy of Islam,” and launched an attack on its own mountain stronghold.  The fighters were apparently disoriented after reading news reports that the Pakistani military and the government of Afghan president Hamid Karzai were engaged in secret negotiations to have the Taliban group switch sides.

“It’s just very confusing,” said an apologetic Abdullah Mesud, a commander of one of the Haqqani combat units. “We get money from Pakistan and Pakistan is an ally of the United States, so that must mean we are an ally of the United States, right?”

The Haqqani network, which is based in the tribal areas of Pakistan but has carried out many attacks in Afghanistan, has indeed been supported for years by the Pakistani military, which  is an ally of the United States. It was this arrangement which led to the group’s understandable uncertainty, since all along they have been fighting United States troops, NATO forces and the Afghan government.

General David Petraeus, poised to take command of the U.S. forces in Afghanistan, was said to be carefully studying the situation and preparing flash cards to help him remember which of our allies are paying people to kill us, which are not and which are so corrupt that we can’t be sure what they are doing. 

Mr. Mesud said that despite the complex web of deceit and intrigue, his group remains determined to carry on the conflict. “Death to America!” he said as he prepared his fighters to launch another attack on his own position. ” And death to us, too, I guess.”