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Legos: Satan’s Plaything?

Pastor Says Plastic Blocks Promote Gay Marriage

Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Rev. Roy Sowerberry,  president and founder of the Family Defense Conference, a national conservative lobbying group, sent shockwaves through the toy industry today with his charge that Legos, the popular plastic building blocks, promote a liberal, homosexual lifestyle due to the multiple ways in which the individual blocks can be connected. The evangelical minister said that the plastic blocks encouraged, “cultural relativism,” and weakened family values by teaching children that there is more than one acceptable way for things to fit together.

“It’s just like Mike Huckabee said recently,” the minister told reporters at his group’s headquarters here.  “Let me quote him because he put it so well. ‘Male and female are biologically compatible to have a relationship. We can get into the ick factor, but the fact is that two men in a relationship, two women in a relationship, biologically, that doesn’t work the same.'”
“Mike Huckabee is right,” Rev. Sowerberry continued. “God has made it clear how he wants man and woman to fit together. But Legos fit together all kinds of ways: sideways, diagonally, one on top, three on the bottom or the other way around. There’s no limit to the ways they stick into each other. What message does that send to children?”
At this point in his remarks, the  minister took some of the toy blocks out of his pocket and demonstrated different positions to reporters. Upon questioning, he said the blocks were from his personal collection which he kept for, “research purposes only.”
“Legos look innocent,” he stated, “but they are more devious than they appear.  You might think those little round things on top fit into the round tubes on the bottom, but that’s not how they work at all.  The little round things fit into the space between the tubes and the walls. You can’t even tell what shape that is!”

He also pointed out that Legos are made in Denmark, which was the first country to legalize same-sex unions and where gay people are allowed to serve openly in the military. 
“And that’s exactly the same anything-goes mentality these toys teach,” he said. holding up a fistful of the brightly-colored blocks. “Just look how I can snap this big green one into this yellow one and this black one at the same time. You just can’t keep yourself from experimenting.”

Rev. Sowerberry said the Family Defense Conference would soon be introducing its own competing line of building blocks, Heterolegos, which would fit together in only one way. “Our blocks will offer no temptation to try things differently, just to see what it would be like,” he added. “Because it will be clear that there is one and only one way they can fit together – just as God intended.” 

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

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Troops In Afghanistan Mob Reporters,
Seeking To Give Rolling Stone Interviews

Richieville News Service – KABUL
U.S. troops across Afghanistan eagerly sought out journalists today as they tried, unsuccessfully, to give interviews to reporters from Rolling Stone Magazine. The soldiers were reacting to news reports that General Stanley A. McChrystal, after being quoted in the magazine as being highly critical of the Obama administration, had been summoned to Washington and might be replaced. The troops stationed here, many on their third or even fourth deployment, seem to have universally come to the same conclusion, that insulting a member of the administration and being quoted in Rolling Stone is the equivalent of a ticket home.
As a result of this widely-held belief, journalists across Afghanistan were being met today by cries of, “Hey! Are you from Rolling Stone? Joe Biden is a moron!” Upon being told that the journalist in question is not from Rolling Stone, the soldiers invariable reply with a suggestion that cannot be reprinted in a family newspaper.
Lt. Elise Q. Rodriguez, stationed at Bagram Air Base, explained the soldiers’ reactions. “If I had known that insulting James L. Jones could get me sent home, I would have done it months ago. James L. Jones is an idiot. How’s that? Insulting enough? I can be more insulting if you want. By the way, who the hell is James L. Jones? Isn’t he, like, the voice of Darth Vader? No? You did say you were from Rolling Stone, right? No? Well, then go (expletive deleted).”
It is not clear why the soldiers believe that only an interview with Rolling Stone would have the desired effect. Soldiers are notoriously superstitious and the feeling among some here is that only saying exactly the same words to the same magazine will result in being recalled to the United States. For that reason, many of the troops have downloaded the original story and are in the process of memorizing it. 
“Do you know any reporters for Rolling Stone?” L.t Rodriguez asked this reporter. “No? Well, do you have a phone number for one? Can you get me a phone number? An email address?  Anything? No? Well, then what (expletive deleted) good are you?”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.