Author Archives: Richie

Yes, You Can!

Leave a reply
Swedes Prove Conclusively 
That Men Can Change Diapers
Country Fears International Backlash

Richieville News Service – STOCKHOLM
Having proved beyond a doubt that fathers, given the right training and incentives, can become competent caregivers for children, this Scandinavian nation braced itself for the inevitable backlash from men in other nations who now have absolutely no excuse for avoiding bottle feeding, burping, diaper changing and ass-wiping.

“We’re sorry, but facts are facts,” said Jan Janjansonson, Swedish Undersecretary of  Health for Toddler Wellbeing and Appreciation (Age 20 to 36 Months). “No matter what they say, men are quite capable of wiping a dirty bottom. Sorry, guys.”

The evidence of male diaper-changing ability is the result of the Swedish law, instituted in 1995, that sets aside two months of parental leave specifically for fathers.  Swedish couples get over one year of paid parental leave for each child they have. Men don’t have to take the two months off, but then that subsidy is lost to the family. As a result of this policy, 85 percent of Swedish fathers take time off from their jobs to be with their children, with no reported increase in child mortality rates, divorce or mental illness for either parents or offspring.  
Mr. Janjansonson said that in recent months, the Ministry of Health has been deluged with angry and often threatening emails and text messages from men in other countries, whose wives apparently keep asking them why they can’t be, “more Swedish.” In spite of this, he said the government had no plans to end the program. But he did have some words of advice for disgruntled fathers worldwide.
“They could go for marriage counseling,”  he suggested. “It’s just too bad they don’t live in Sweden – we subsidize that, too.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Give Till It Hurts

1 Reply
Republicans Plan Fundraiser For BP
Telethon To Aid Beleaguered Oil Company
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Leaders of the Republican Party, responding to what they said was a $20 billion, “shakedown,”  of the British Petroleum oil company  by the Obama administration, announced plans for a national telethon to raise money for the multinational conglomerate. 

Republican members of Congress, including Michelle Bachmann of Minnesota and Joe Barton of Texas, as well as GOP Chairman Michael Steele, have been sharply critical of the plan for a multi-billion dollar escrow account. The fund is to be used to compensate residents of the Gulf Coast for their loses due to the massive oil spill from BP’s Deepwater Horizon rig. Representative Bachmann called the plan a, “redistribution of wealth fund,” while Rep. Barton apologized to BP CEO Tony Hayward and called the establishment of the fund a “tragedy.” 

“It’s just typical of the Democrats to demonize big business,” said telethon organizer Connie Lammle. “By making BP and its shareholders pay the victims of the oil spill, aren’t we making BP and its shareholders victims, also? Isn’t it enough they have to cancel their dividend this quarter?  Why should shrimpers, fishermen and small business owners get all the help? We  think BP deserves some compensation, too.”

The BP Victims Telethon will be carried on the Fox News Network and be hosted by  Hollywood star and conservative author Chuck Norris and feature a song written especially for the occasion by songwriter and conservative pundit Kinky Friedman. The song, titled, “We Are The Oil,” will be sung by a roster of talented right-wing recording artists, said Ms. Lammle, “as soon as we can find any,” and then will be available for download on iTunes.
“We hope America opens its hearts and its wallets,” Ms. Lammle added. “You can call in your pledge, send in a check made out to BP or just take your SUV to the  nearest gas station  and fill it up with premium. It’s all for a good cause.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.