Author Archives: Richie

Happy Days Are Here Again

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RECESSION IS OVER!
Credit Crisis Solved By 
New Jersey Accountant
World Rejoices • Blue Skies Ahead
Richieville News Service- PARSIPPANY
Spontaneous celebrations broke out in major cities and small hamlets across the globe as the news spread that Rav Sengupta, an accountant from Parsippany, New Jersey, had solved the looming credit crisis that has been threatening the world economy and in doing so, had set the human race on a path toward new heights of prosperity. Mr. Sengupta, a graduate of Ramapo State College, said he found the solution quite by accident while playing around with a new version of the spreadsheet program, Excel.
“I was just messing around, looking at my Facebook page, shopping on iTunes and texting to a friend of mine while I was checking out the new features in Excel,” he explained via Twitter. “And I realized how easy it was to shift numbers from one column to another and I thought , ‘Hey, this would work for the credit crisis!'”
Mr. Sengupta’s brainstorm, in its simplest form, was to shift the debts accrued over the past decade from one column to another on the world balance sheets. 
“After all,” he told this reporter, via Skype, “that’s what the debt crisis is, really – just a bunch of numbers on a spread sheet. If you know enough about accounting, you can shift them around any way you want.”
The Nobel Prize committee, meeting in a special session in Stockholm, announced that they had awarded the New Jersey business major a combined Nobel Prize in Economics and Peace. In their announcement, the committee said, “Mr. Sangupta, though his hard work, and with only occasional breaks to browse through clips on YouTube, has shown how the world economic crisis can be solved by shifting the debt from working people who would lose their jobs, their homes, their health care and their retirement savings to banks and bankers who now will lose, well, basically nothing. Now the debts are all cleared and we can start over. Problem solved!”
On Wall Street, the news  of the resolution to the crisis was met with good-natured resignation. “Yeah, we knew about that solution,” said Goldman Sachs executive Carl Veneering. “We were just hoping no one else would figure it out. But since you have, what the heck, enjoy it. We can always make the money back next year.”

For more Richieville humor, read the sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Parallel Universes

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Lost Fans Clash 
With Tea Party Activists

Fight Over Whether Obama’s Birth 
Certificate Was On The Island

Richieville News Service – CHARLOTTE, NC
What began as a heated discussion in a downtown bar grew into a violent street brawl  as hundreds of fans of the now-ended TV series Lost faced off with members of local Tea Party organizations. The disagreement apparently was sparked by conflicting parallel universe theories held by the two groups, including  whether the phrase “moving on,” used by characters in the series finale, referred to a multi-faith afterlife or was in fact a subliminal plug for the liberal activist group, MoveOn.
“They started it,” claimed Thomas Hobbes, who said he had been attending a Lost viewing party at J.J. Rousseau’s, a local cajun-style bar and eatery.  A number of Tea Party adherents were there at the same time, reportedly to discuss the ways in which health care reform is not constitutional.  According to eyewitnesses, the two groups quickly found that their alternate views of reality were not compatible.
“Someone asked where the series was shot and we told them Hawaii,” Mr. Hobbes told this reporter. “So then this Tea Party guy said that President Obama wasn’t born in Hawaii. So we told them that was nuts. So then he said that it was nuts to think that the island could be moved in space and time just by turning a donkey wheel at the island’s base. So we said what was really nuts was thinking that the federal government couldn’t outlaw discrimination in private enterprise. That really ticked them off.”
According to Sergeant Voltaire of the Charlotte Police Department, the argument quickly spread into the street where the opposing sides hurled insults and the occasional beer bottle at each other.  
“The Lost fans got pretty steamed when the Tea Party crowd claimed the crash survivors had been dead all along,” Sgt. Voltaire said. “But then Lost fans said that Social Security doesn’t violate the Tenth Amendment and the Tea Party group really went off the deep end. That’s when we called for reinforcements.”
According to the police, in spite of the hours-long standoff there were few reported injuries.  “We were lucky,” said Sgt. Voltaire. “Imagine if they had been fans of 24.”



For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.