Author Archives: Richie

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Astronauts Defy Obama,
Head For Mars
Richieville News Service – HOUSTON
In a surprising turn of events, astronauts aboard the space shuttle Atlantis left the International Space Station a week ahead of schedule and instead of returning to Earth, set a course for Mars.
“Yeehow!” Commander Clyde “Bronco” Haverford said via radio to the mission control team in Houston. “We’re a-goin’ to Mars! And we ain’t a-comin’ back till we get us some Mars rocks!” 
Apparently the shuttle astronauts were upset about President Obama’s recent decision to push back any manned expedition to Mars until the year 2035. This was to have been the shuttle Atlantis’ last mission, with only two flights scheduled for the remaining two shuttle spacecraft.
In an exchange overheard by reporters at the Lyndon Johnson Spaceflight Center here, Commander Haverford expressed what he said was the crew’s  unanimous decision to take this impromptu detour.
“Twenty thirty-five? Y’all gotta be kiddin’ me!  I’ll be too old to go. Besides, this ole gal ain’t ready for the scrap heap, no sir. She’s got plenty of spaceflight left in her yet.”
Mr. Haverford said the crew had only docked at the Space Station to unload some unnecessary equipment and to take on a few more passengers. “Some of those Ruskies wanted to come along, so we said, get on board, pardners! Heck, they stay up here so long those boys in Moscow won’t even notice they’re gone.”
Mission control engineers said there had been no sign of the planned Mars attempt, though one NASA spokesman did say that just before liftoff the crew had asked for a complete set of Bruce Willis movies.
When asked how the crew planned to make the three-year, 70 million-mile round trip  in a shuttle that was designed to go a few hundred miles into earth orbit,  Mr. Haverford was quick to reply, “Good ole American can do spirit, that’s how. And if we run into any problems, we’ll just wing it!”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Oy, Vey!

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South Africa Circumcision Plan 
Creates Worldwide Mohel Shortage

Richieville News Service – JOHANNESBURG
In response to news that the government of South Africa plans to circumcise five million men, tens of thousands of rabbis from around the globe have flocked to this African nation in recent days. The rabbis, all of whom are mohels, trained to perform the Jewish circumcision ritual, have set up shop here in the capital and throughout South Africa, waiting for the anticipated, “bris boom,” to begin.
Although the circumcision effort, designed to halt the spread of AIDS, was originally planned to be carried out in hospitals, the South African government seemed happy about the mohel influx. 
“Five million circumcisions is a lot,” said Daniel Naidoo, a spokesman for the Department of Health. “So we’re going to need all the help we can get. I just hope they’re not all kosher.” 
However, the sudden shift of so many mohels has created something of a crisis for international Judaism, forcing Jewish parents of newborn sons to scramble to find qualified practitioners. Mohel training institutes and rabbinical schools were adding courses to try to make up the shortfall. 
“We’re training them as fast as we can,” said Rabbi Kenny Solomon of Yeshiva University in New York, “but believe me, this isn’t something you want to rush.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.