Author Archives: Richie

Never Mind

Koreans Protest “Mad Cowboys”

Government Near Collapse Due To Translation Error
Angry South Koreans say no to “mad cowboys.”

Richieville News Service – SEOUL, South Korea
Tens of thousands of South Koreans took to the streets today, inflamed by mistaken reports that their government had lifted a ban on the importation of American, “mad cowboys.”  Carrying signs that read “No Mad Cowboys!” and “George Bush Go Home!” over 80,000 demonstrators in central Seoul tried to march on the presidential Blue House. In response to the outpouring of anger, the cabinet of president Lee Myung-bak offered to resign.
The demonstrators did not appear to accept President Lee’s explanation that the government had not lifted a ban on “mad cowboys,” but on American beef, which had been banned five years ago due to fears of mad cow disease. Apparently a botched translation has led to widespread rumors that President George Bush is moving to South Korea after he leaves office next January. 
“You keep your mad U.S. cowboys,” shouted protestor Hong Min-jae, as he prepared to do battle with riot police. “And your mad cows, too. We don’t want either. But if we have to choose, we’ll take the mad cows.”

Oh, No!

GOP Solves Gas Crisis

New Cars To Run On Fear

GOP leaders promise no more worries about gas prices. 
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Republican Congressional leaders today proudly revealed a new automotive technology they promised would solve the country’s growing oil and gas crisis. The new cars run on what the GOP leaders say is a constantly renewable energy source – human fear. 
“We realized we had an incredible untapped energy source,” said House minority leader John Boehner at a news conference here. “We have found fear to be very reliable, cheap and easy to generate. Oh, and it does not contribute to global warming.”
The new fear-powered cars, dubbed, “angst-mobiles,”will be able to draw on the energy generated when drivers and passengers experience strong feelings of distrust, apprehension and anxiety. The greater the number of terrified occupants, the faster the cars will go, finally giving motorists an inducement to car pool. Rep. Boehner said that fear-producing stimuli are readily available in the news media and that his party stood ready to make up any deficit that occurred.
“Terrorism, immigrants, gay marriage, fist bumps – the list of fear energy sources is endless,” he explained, standing by a mock-up of one of the new vehicles. “And if people relax too much to make the cars move, we’ll just raise the terror alert level. That always works.”
“Now Americans can now stop worrying about gas prices,” Mr. Boehner concluded. “And start worrying about everything else.”