Author Archives: Richie

Clearing the Air for the Olympics

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Beijing Halts Construction, Stops Sewer Service

Asks Citizens to “Hold It” Until September

Richieville News Service – BEIJING

Beijing officials have added sewer service to the list of activities that will be suspended in an intensifying effort to control air pollution before the Olympic Games. It will join steel production, new construction, oil refining and outdoor spray painting, all of which will be halted or severely restricted. Officials say the move is necessary in order to insure clean air for the athletes who will begin competing in the city on August 8.

“We’ve already reduced power plant emissions by thirty percent,” said Du Shaozhong, deputy director of the city’s Environmental Protection Bureau. “Cutting sewer emissions was the next logical step.” He expressed confidence that if the 17.43 million residents of greater Beijing would just stop going to the bathroom, ozone levels in the area could be brought within a range acceptable to the IOC, the games’ governing body.

Environmental groups expressed skepticism that shutting Beijing’s outmoded and ineffective sewer system would work. “It’s true that China’s sewer treatment is on par with its other environmental measures, which is to say, non-existent, “said Carissa F. Etienne, Assistant Director- General of the World Health Organization. “But this measure seems unlikely to do much good. After all, when you gotta go, you gotta go.”

Chinese officials denied this was the case. “The Chinese people have historically shown incredible self-control and will-power,” said Beijing acting mayor Guo Jinlong, a close associate of President Hu Jintao and former Communist

Party boss of Tibet. “We are certain that the residents of Beijing will do their part in preparing for this showcase of our great nation as a first-class 21st-century world power.”

Human rights advocates voiced strong concerns that the new “no-go,” anti-pollution policy would be even more draconian than the national “one child,” population control policy, but Mr. Guo Jinlong scoffed at the idea. Meanwhile, city officials were drawing up a list of steps that might help residents deal with the new rules, including, “holding it,” “hopping up and down,” and for those truly in distress, “visiting relatives in other parts of the country to use their bathroom.”

Toilets like this one will be off limits beginning May 1.

Peeved in Pennsylvania

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Working Class Voters Angry, Bitter 

About Being Called Angry, Bitter

Richieville News Service – HARRISBURG

Over the last few days, Tim Johnson has heard working class voters like himself described as angry and he says that makes him mad – fighting mad.

“When people describe me as angry, it just makes my blood boil,” says the machinist from Scranton, Pennsylvania. “The idea that some politician would say I’m angry makes me want to punch someone in the face.”

Johnson is not alone. Across this hotly contested primary battleground, blue-collar voters are incensed at the very suggestion that they are irate or ticked off, even if they have very good reason  to be. Clara Bilanko, who was laid off  after working 23 years at a pipe fabricating plant outside Allentown, shares Johnson’s sense of betrayal. 

“Don’t call me angry,” she said on a recent morning, pounding her fist on the counter of Hank’s All-American Diner, a favorite gathering place for unemployed factory workers. “I lost my home, my car and my health insurance but calling me angry is the last straw. Anyone who says that deserves to burn in hell.”

Sitting next to her, Marty Cargill nodded furiously. “That word bitter, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Just because I resent that I’m 67 years old and my company went bankrupt and I lost my pension and now I’m working for minimum wage at WalMart doesn’t mean I’m bitter.”

In numerous interviews, voters in the hardscrabble mill towns that dot this state suggested that not only are they vexed at being characterized as wrathful, but they are also irritated at being told they are peeved.

“I wish politicians would listen to how enraged we are about being called angry,” said Mr. Johnson. “But I feel powerless to stop them. If only we had some way to make our voices heard. It’s very frustrating.”