Category Archives: Apple Computer

There’s An App For That

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New iPhone App Will Help Chinese 
Workers Realize Apple Is Cool

Richieville News Service – CUPPERTINO
Programmers at Apple Computer today proudly unveiled a new program for the Apple iPhone and iPad, one they said was designed to address the needs of workers in Chinese factories that make those products. The application, or “Appleapp,” is a combination ebook, online multi-player game, and animated music video that takes advantage of the devices’ unique touch screen and motion-sensing capabilities. 
“We wanted to bring the true excitement of Apple to the assembly line workers who produce our ground-breaking iPhones and iPads,” said John Podsnap, a company spokesman. “After all, these guys live on the factory grounds where they work six or seven days a week so they probably don’t have time to visit an Apple retail store. This app will help them appreciate just how cool Apple is.” ”  

Apple’s manufacturing system has come under some scrutiny lately with reports that over a dozen workers at factories in Shenzen, China have committed suicide since the start of the year. The workers died at plants run by Foxconn, a Taiwan-based manufacturer who also produces equipment for Dell, HP and other U.S. companies. Responding to the reports, Steve Jobs, Apple’s legendary CEO, insisted that Foxconn factories were not, “sweatshops,” and that the company’s plants were, “pretty nice,” with, “restaurants, movie theaters, hospitals and swimming pools.”

“Yes, Foxconn factories are kind of like Club Med,” elaborated Mr. Podsnap. “Except instead of snorkeling, wind surfing and sunbathing, you work on an assembly line 12 hours a day for about a dollar an hour.”
Mr. Podsnap pointed out that since the news of the suicides had spread, Foxconn had doubled wages, to about $300 a month, although he admitted it might have been a better idea to raise wages before workers started throwing themselves from the tops of Foxconn’s buildings. The Apple spokesperson said the company had high hopes that the new app would help the Chinese employees feel better about their role in the manufacture of  Apple’s “revolutionary” products. 
“The new app will be available free of charge on the iPhone App Store,” Mr. Podsnap told reporters. “It’s very cool and I think they’ll really enjoy it. Now all they have to do is make enough to be able to afford an iPhone.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

 

Second-Class Cash

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Treasury To Redesign Bills

Poor To Get Their Own Currency
The poor have special money needs. 

Richieville News Service – Washington, D.C.
The Treasury Department today announced plans for a complete redesign of U.S. currency, creating a separate class of money to be used exclusively by the nation’s poor. Treasury officials said the new poor people’s currency would include features meant to, “enhance the money-owning experience.” The decision followed last week’s federal court ruling ordering a redesign of the currency to add features to help the visually impaired. 
“We realized that the poverty-stricken also have special monetary needs,” explained Felix G. Moynihan, of the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. “For example, a lot of them have less money than rich people. So we thought maybe we could figure out ways they could get more enjoyment out of the few dollars they do have. Like, we could print them in really bright colors, or run a comic strip on the back.”
Other entertainment features envisioned for the new bills include holographic, three-dimensional photos of movie stars or sports legends and embedded sound chips like those found in some greeting cards. The chips would be programmed to tell a joke or play a snippet of pop music every time the bill was withdrawn from a wallet or purse. 
“Imagine you want to buy a gallon of milk that costs four dollars and you only have three,” the Treasury spokesman said. “Having singing money will really take the sting out of that.” He added that the Treasury was also in talks with Apple Computer about the feasibility of downloading music or television shows directly into dollar bills. One drawback to the scheme is the fact that the cost of the download might be more than the value of the bill itself.
Mr. Moynihan said that the higher costs of printing bills with these features could be offset by selling advertising on the currency or through sponsorship deals. For example, the five dollar bill could become the Microsoft five dollar bill. However, he stressed that Abraham Lincoln’s picture would remain on the bill regardless of the sponsor. 
He also revealed that the department was considering another set of currency designed for the nation’s wealthy. Unlike the somewhat gaudy bills envisioned for the poor, the rich people’s currency would be small, unobtrusive and printed in tastefully muted shades of gray. There would be no denomination markings, following the principle that if you have to ask, you probably can’t afford it. The bills would also be printed with special codes making them immune to taxes.
 “Right now we spend so much of our time trying to re-jigger the tax code to keep the wealthy from paying their share,” Mr. Moynihan explained. “Giving them tax-free money will save us a lot of headaches, let me tell you.”
Some critics of the design plans said there was a danger that the poor would become too attached to their new bills and not want to spend them, but Mr. Moynihan disagreed. “We think the poor will still have incentives to spend, like for instance, hunger and the need for shelter.”
As for the idea, advanced by some, that the currency needs of the poor could best be met by giving them more of it, the Treasury spokesman had this to say, “The problem of poor people having less money is very complex, we don’t want to just throw money at it.”