Category Archives: Barack Obama

Appeaser-Ashmeaser

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Israel Talks To Syria

Loses Jewish Vote
Israel fears another address by President Bush.

Richieville News Service – BOYNTON BEACH, FL
  In retirement communities and delicatessens across this state, Jewish voters expressed grave reservations over the news of Israel’s peace talks with Syria. The outpouring of criticism  raised the possibility that Israel might be losing the support of one of its core constituencies, Jews.
“They’re talking to terrorists!” said Bernie Kupferstein, 74, as he leaned on his shuffleboard stick at the Aberdeen Country Club. “I can’t believe Israel would betray Israel like that.”
At Izzie’s Genuine New York Deli, in Boca Raton, Shirley Goldenfarb, 83, shared Mr. Kuperferstein’s sentiments. “It seems like Israel doesn’t have Israel’s interests at heart,” she said, vigorously waving her bagel with a schmear. “And to think of all the trees I paid for over there. Appeasers! Feh!”
Maury Lefkowitz, 91, nodded in agreement. “I heard that Turbowitz is a Muslim,” he said, grimacing over his plate of cheese blintzes, “like Obama.”He was referring to Yoram Turbowitz, one Israel’s chief negotiators in the talks. Mr. Turbowitz is Jewish. Senator Barack Obama is a Christian.
The reaction was much the same across Florida, where elderly Jews, usually stalwart supporters of the Jewish state, echoed the words of President Bush, who just last week made a speech to the Israeli parliament, comparing those who would talk to “terrorists and radicals” to the politicians who appeased Hitler before World War II. It is now clear that Mr. Bush knew of the peace talks at that time.
At Century Village, Fanny Glembotski, 98, was so distraught over the idea of negotiating with the government of Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, she could hardly concentrate on her cards as she played casino with her friend, Goldie Mintz, 103.
“Turgeman is an Arab,” she stated with assurance. “Everyone at the synagogue says so.” She was referring to Shalom Turgeman, foreign policy advisor to Israeli prime minister Ehud Olmert.
“And Olmert is a Palestinian,” added Mrs. Mintz.
Sheila Blumenstein, 114, disagreed with Mrs. Mintz. “Don’t be stupid, Olmert’s not a Palestinian,” she said emphatically. “He’s friends with that Reverend Wright.”
“You don’t say?” replied Mrs. Mintz. “It figures.”
Both Mr. Turgeman and Mr. Olmert are Jewish and neither has any association with Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
In Jerusalem, members of Mr. Olmert’s government braced themselves for the inevitable onslaught of criticism not just from Jewish senior citizens but from the Bush administration, which had actively opposed any contacts with Syria.
“We know we let down George Bush and John McCain,” said one high level Israeli government official, speaking off the record. “And we know they’re both going to make major speeches attacking us. And what about Fox News? They’re going to eviscerate us, every hour on the hour, 24/7. But what can we do? We’re just weak.”
The official expressed confidence that Jews would eventually come around to supporting Israel, but for the time being, Mrs. Blumenstein and her friends were having none of it.
“And that appeaser Lieberman, he goes to the same church as Farrakhan,” she insisted. When told that Louis Farrakhan, leader of the Nation of Islam, does not attend a church and that he has no ties with Senator Joseph Lieberman, who is Jewish, she was genuinely surprised.
“Really?” said Mrs. Blumenstein, who turned 115 during the writing of this report, “he doesn’t look Jewish.”

Worse Than Simon

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Hamas Likes David Archuleta

Effect On Idol Voting Unclear
The radical Islamic group thinks David Archuleta is “dreamy.”
Richieville News Service –GAZA 
Pundits of the right and left, along with music industry executives and several million teenage girls, clashed today over what appeared to be an endorsement of American Idol contestant David Archuleta by the radical Islamic organization Hamas. The disputed remarks came at the end of a press conference given by Hamas spokesman Ahmed Yousef, when he digressed from his comments about the latest round of violence between Israel and Palestinians to say, “I really like David Archuleta. I hope he wins.” 
Later, in response to an unrelated question, Mr. Yousef returned to the subject, exclaiming, “Yo! Yo! Check it out! Randy’s right – that boy can sing the phone book, dawg!” He was referring to one of the three judges on the televised singing contest, record producer Randy Jackson. 
Mr. Archuleta, when told of the comments by the Hamas spokesman, giggled uncontrollably for several minutes and then said earnestly. “I am just so happy to be here. This is like a dream come true.”
Meanwhile, fans of the other finalist, David Cook, suggested that a vote for Archuleta would be a vote for terror. Tiffany Shuler, age 13, of White Plains, New York, issued a statement on behalf of herself, and her best friends forever, Amber Waletsky and Shawnia James. “David Archuleta is an appeaser and as we learned from the example of Neville Chamberlain surrendering the Sudetenland to Hitler in 1938, appeasement does not work.  Plus, David Cook is like, so totally hot! He rocks!” 
Producers of the talent show went out of their way to stress that Mr. Archuleta had not sought out the endorsement of the extremist group, saying that, “David Archuleta has absolutely no connection with any form of state-sponsored terrorism and in fact does not even know where Israel and Palestine are on the map.” 
 The controversy over Mr. Yousef’s remarks threatened to overshadow the war of words set off by his previous statements expressing a preference for Senator Barack Obama in the U.S. presidential elections. There was some speculation that the Islamic fundamentalist group was, in fact, trying to frighten voters away from Mr. Archuleta by tying him closely to a group that the U.S. has declared a terrorist organization. This line of reasoning is based on rumors that the Hamas leadership, like Ms. Shuler, has come to the conclusion that  Mr. Cook does indeed, “rock.”
Mr. Yousef concluded the press conference by also indicating Hamas’ preferences for Dancing With The Stars and the Tony Awards. “If Kristi doesn’t win, we’re going to be very upset,” he said. “I mean, did you see her tango last week?” In the Tonys, he said Hamas favors Xanadu, adding, “We just like kitsch, what can I say?” He also expressed the group’s pleasure at Whitney’s being named America’s Next Top Model. 
Whatever his motivation, the Hamas spokesman seemed genuine in his admiration for the American Idol show. “One reason we might consider peace talks is so we can all go to Hollywood for a taping. It would be great to meet Ryan and Paula and Randy. We dig them all so much. Except for Simon. He’s mean.”