Author Archives: Richie

Identity Crisis

Obama Or Osama?

Amazingly, People Of The Middle East
Have No Trouble Telling Them Apart
Somehow Afghan President Hamid Karzai knew this wasn’t Osama Bin Laden.

Richieville News Service – KABUL, AFGHANISTAN
The surprising results of a new poll released today show that the people of the Middle East, unlike some Americans, have absolutely no trouble distinguishing between Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama and the al-Qaida terrorist mastermind, Osama bin Laden. Close to 100 percent of adults in Afghanistan, Iraq and Jordan seem to be able to grasp that the two men, although having somewhat similar names, are actually different people. In fact, by an overwhelming margin, those contacted for the poll seemed perplexed by the question.
A typical response was that of Abdoul Kabir, a street vendor in Kabul, who said, in English, “What are you, some kind of moron?” Standing nearby, his cousin, Farouk Nejrabi, nodded in agreement. “Everyone knows Barack Obama is a Christian,” he said. “You ever hear of Reverend Wright? From his church? Like, duh!”
Their sentiments were echoed elsewhere in the region. In Jordan, where Senator Obama recently met with King Abdullah, the vast majority believe that there is a significant difference between the ruthless leader of international jihad and the junior senator from Illinois. Furthermore, a random sampling of opinion indicated that no one had the slightest difficulty in telling them apart.
“Osama bin Laden is a terrorist,” Mohammed al-Tabba explained patiently, while sitting at the wheel of his taxi in Amman. “Barack Obama was a community organizer on the south side of Chicago. Now do you get it?”
When pressed, Mr. al-Tabba admitted that Senator Obama’s last name and Mr. bin-Laden’s first name are pretty similar. Still, he maintained that any fairly intelligent person could avoid mixing them up. “Look, ” he pointed out with just a trace of exasperation. “You had two presidents named George Bush. Do you have trouble telling them apart?”
It is not clear why the people of the troubled region do not suffer from the same confusion as many Americans. But Mr. al-Tabba had a theory. “You know, people here have suffered through war and civil war and invasion and civil disorder and poverty, but we have one big advantage over the people of the United States. We don’t get Fox News.”

Border Trouble

Iraq-Pakistan Border Situation Grave

Czechoslovakia To Send Troops
The Iraq-Pakistan border conflict threatens to spread to other regions.

Richieville News Service – BABYLONIA

The situation along the border between Iraq and Pakistan, first reported by Senator John McCain, grew more serious today, alarming foreign policy experts who maintain that the border does not exist. The crisis threatened to spill over into the neighboring countries of Iceland and Argentina and worried observers as far away as Siam and Rhodesia.

Czechoslovakia, often cited by Senator McCain and which ceased to be a nation in 1993, offered to send troops to the troubled region and said its armored brigade would be joined by a cavalry regiment from the Holy Roman Empire and several legions from Carthage, although the latter could not be confirmed. The hope is to keep the Iraq-Pakistan border dispute from disrupting trade along the Silk Road to Cathay as well as stop raids by marauding bands of orcs from Mordor.
Senator McCain said in a statement released today that his knowledge of the situation along the Iraq-Pakistan border showed that he, and not his rival, Senator Barack Obama, has the foreign policy experience to successfully end the conflict between Mesopotamia and the thirteen colonies.