Author Archives: Richie

Richieville Lifestyle Tips

Americans Embrace Idea Of “Time Horizon”

Can You Make It Work For You?

Following the leadership of President Bush, millions of Americans have enthusiastically replaced their outmoded “deadlines” and “timelines” with the latest trend in time management – the general time horizon. As the president demonstrated just last week, a strict and rigid timetable for getting things done may not be the best approach to solving problems, whether it’s household finance or getting out of a five-year-old land war in Asia. 
In place of an unforgiving and stress-producing timeline, Mr. Bush suggested instead  a “general time horizon” for withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq. You might not think so at first glance, but that little phrase is more than a rhetorical device used by the president to avoid admitting the complete failure of his previous policy. It just might be your key to a happier and more carefree life. How does it work? Here are some tips for putting a time horizon on your horizon. 
* Tell your bank or mortgage holder that you are switching from a monthly payment “deadline” to a more flexible payment time horizon. Explain that the transfer of your payment is an aspirational goal, one that will require effort on both sides to meet.
* At your next AA or 12-step meeting, stand up and announce that you have adopted a time horizon for giving up your addiction to glue sniffing and prescription pain killers. Make it clear that a strict timetable, such as quitting right away, does not allow for adjustment for developments “on the ground.”
* Schedule a meeting with your boss to discuss setting a general time horizon for your arrival at work each day. Remember, what’s important is that you agree on the mission, not when it starts or ends.
* Use time horizons when cooking or baking! That turkey will come out of the oven when people are ready to eat it – not sooner, not later.
* Tell your ex-spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend that you cannot set a firm timetable for moving out of the apartment. Setting a withdrawal date will only embolden them to begin another (probably destructive) relationship that much sooner.
* On your next night out, don’t consult the movie timetables. Instead, use a general time horizon to plan when you get to the theater. If the movie has already started, even if it’s almost over, stay the course and see it anyway.
See how easy it is? You can also use time horizons when refilling your gas tank or walking the dog or feeding the baby. There are hundreds, if not billions of ways to use time horizons in your everyday life. Try one and see. Get started today – or tomorrow, or whenever.  Whatever you’re doing may not be on time, but it will definitely be on the horizon!

Richieville News Primate Edition

SPAIN GRANTS CIVIL RIGHTS TO APES

Move Sets Off Worldwide Rights Shortage

Is this next?

Richieville News Service – MADRID, SPAIN
A resolution passed by the Spanish Parliament granting some human rights to apes has inadvertently set off a worldwide humans rights crisis. Governments across the globe now say that rights they had planned to extend to human beings are being taken instead by gorillas, chimpanzees and other primates. 
“We were going to allow free and fair elections, giving everyone the right to vote, but now we can’t,” said General Than Shwe, chief of Myanmar’s ruling military junta. “Instead we had to give those rights to a bunch of orangutans. I guess I’ll just have to go on being a dictator. Darn it!”
In Zimbabwe, a spokesman for President Robert Mugabe echoed the Myanmar strongman’s sentiments. “We were just about to stop hacking off the arms and legs of the opposition party,” George Charamba told reporters in Harare. “Too bad all the democracy got used up by chimpanzees.” 
Spanish legislators insisted that their resolution, which is designed to protect apes from experimentation and exploitation, would have no effect on the availability of rights for human beings. But their arguments were strongly rebutted by government officials in dozens of countries who insisted that there was a finite amount of civil liberty in the universe. 
Among those citing the rights for apes measure was the Ministry of Justice in Saudi Arabia, which said it was shelving a plan to grant women the right to drive cars so bonobos could have better conditions in zoos. In Russia, President Dmitry Medvedev told reporters that he was forced to continue shutting down news shows critical of the government in order to allow gorillas the right to free speech. 
At the U.S. detainee prison in Guantanamo, Cuba, military officials had a somewhat different reaction. “We never realized apes should have due process under the law,” said chief prosecutor Lt. Col.  Jake Manfried. “Does that mean they can be held as enemy combatants?”
Reporters seeking a representative of the ape viewpoint were disappointed when Bongo, a chimpanzee at the Madrid Zoo, refused comment. He did however, bare his teeth and throw feces at anyone who came near his cage.