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Rich Agree To Give Up Bush Tax Cuts,

Say They Finally Have Enough Crap

 Eleven is enough.

Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON
In a development that most economists believed  was impossible, thousands of wealthy Americans are making it known that they are willing to give up the Bush era tax cuts currently under debate in Washington. Although the news flies in the face of accepted views of human nature,  many of the nation’s affluent seem to have finally reached some sort of natural saturation point for material accumulation and are saying that they just don’t need any more stuff. 
“It was after I bought my twelfth house,” said Mark Veneering, who acquired billions after inheriting his family’s mountaintop removal mining business. “I kept forgetting where the front door was. At first I just hired someone to follow me around and show me the way out when I got lost, but then I thought, maybe I don’t really need twelve houses – so I sold one. So if you really think you need a few thousand bucks to do stuff like give kids health care, I guess I can spare it now.”
Mr. Veneering is not alone. Harry J. Lammle, who amassed a huge fortune by exporting expired infant formula to developing nations, had a similar epiphany. “One day I just woke up and it just hit me – I didn’t need a $75,000 watch. I realized it made a lot more sense to own two $35,000 watches. Now I finally feel I can afford to help pay for teachers and firemen and all that other stuff.”
Economists have been taken aback by this sudden turn of events. “We think this is a phenomenon known as the Mazuma Fatigue Horizon,” said  Professor Molly Brown of Northumbria University. “It occurs when one percent of the population owns more than 45 percent of all wealth in a society, a figure we are approaching in the U.S. Basically it’s a form of accumulation overload – after a while your brain just can’t process ways to spend any more money.”
Professor Brown cautioned that the new-found generosity of the affluent was likely to be temporary and that soon they would return to their steadfast refusal to give up a single plasma television, sport car or $800 pair of shoes. 
“I think you have a window of about two weeks,” she said.  “So if you need to fix any bridges or build a school or two, now is the time. Because after this, you can forget about it!”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

Richieville Explains The Recession, Part II

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Money Is More Valuable When 
Owned By Rich People
Research Uncovers New Properties Of Wealth

Richieville News Service – CHICAGO
Using only notepads, pencils and sheer brain power, researchers at the University of Chicago have discovered a heretofore-unknown principle of economics, proving that money somehow becomes more valuable when it is owned by rich people.

“All money is created equal, but it doesn’t stay equal,” said Milton Bradley, the University’s Professor of Metaphysical Market Relations. “When wealth is acquired by the wealthy, it takes on unique properties it didn’t have before. You could say it becomes more potent, shinier, even sexier. It’s no longer boring like poor people’s money. Bill Gates once showed me a quarter he took out of his pocket. It was mesmerizing.” 

Professor Bradley said the unusual quality of rich people’s cash had far-reaching implications, especially during the current economic crisis. “To the uneducated,” he explained, “it might seem that taking a dollar from a rich person in taxes has the exact same effect on the economy as taking a dollar from a teacher or fireman with a wage cut. But that’s assuming that a dollar is a dollar, which we know is not the case.”

“Furthermore,” the professor continued, “to the unsophisticated it might seem that taking a dollar out of a wealthy person’s bank account and giving it to a civil servant would speed the recovery, since the civil servant will spend that dollar on goods and services. Wrong again!  Once separated from its wealthy owner, money loses its magic powers to do good. It becomes dull, lifeless and hardly worth thinking about. That’s why we have trained economists like myself, experts who realize that taking money away from the rich is a mistake. “
Professor Bradly said he was not sure exactly how money took on magical properties when owned by the wealthy, but said it might be some sort of magnifying effect, the result of being in close proximity to lots of other cash. And he was adamant that any attempt to pry more dollars from the affluent would lead to economic disaster, earthquakes, massive oil spills and the return of the black plague.

“I admit it’s hard to believe, but there’s one sure way to test this theory,” the professor said in conclusion. “Just keep giving money to rich people and see what happens.”
For further reading on this topic, see the previous Richieville report, “Treasury To Redesign Bills – Poor To Get Their Own Currency.”


For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.