Category Archives: Barack Obama

Drama, Obama!

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Obama Agrees To Get Angry Next Thursday
Rage Scheduled From 1:06 To 1:17 PM
Richieville News Service – WASHINGTON, D.C.
Bowing to critics from the left and the right as well as the counsel of his political advisors, President Obama agreed today to, “get really, really steamed,” during a press conference to be held next Thursday. In addition, the President, according to a source high in the administration plans to “vent a little,” as well as act, “totally pissed off.”
“They’re still debating whether he should be furious or merely livid,” said the source, who asked to remain anonymous. The President’s inner circle is reportedly split over the rage issue, with one faction, led by senior advisor David Axelrod, arguing for incensed, while another, headed by Vice President Biden, holding out for “F$#@ing mad as $#@&!”
Although Mr. Obama was elected in part because his calm, thoughtful and balanced approach to complex problems appealed to voters, and although he remains the most popular politician in the country by far, pundits in the media as well as a wide range of out-of-work political figures have been almost unanimous in their belief that the President needs to adopt a more wrathful and irate persona, at least in public.
“I’ve been saying Obama should get angry since he first announced his candidacy in 2007,” said  Troy Veneering, a writer for the blog, TroyVeneering. “I said he wasn’t angry enough just before he won the nomination, I said it again just before he won the presidency and I said it once a month for the past 15 months. I’m glad he’s finally listening to me.”
Although the President’s critics agree that the public is upset about the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, the continued failure of the economy to produce more jobs, the lack of a financial reform bill, the ongoing war in Afghanistan, the conflict over the blockade of Gaza, the possibility that Iran is developing nuclear weapons, the rise of China as the dominant economic superpower in the global economy and the way that umpire robbed Armando Galarraga of his perfect game, they insist that what the American people really want is for Mr. Obama to lose his temper.
“Sure, it would be great if Obama could solve all those problems, or even some of them,” said Mr. Veneering. “But nobody knows how to do that – I sure don’t. But at least he can show the country that he ‘gets it,’ by acting really, really angry.  That’ll do the trick. Trust me.”

For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.

And Beyond!

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Astronauts Defy Obama,
Head For Mars
Richieville News Service – HOUSTON
In a surprising turn of events, astronauts aboard the space shuttle Atlantis left the International Space Station a week ahead of schedule and instead of returning to Earth, set a course for Mars.
“Yeehow!” Commander Clyde “Bronco” Haverford said via radio to the mission control team in Houston. “We’re a-goin’ to Mars! And we ain’t a-comin’ back till we get us some Mars rocks!” 
Apparently the shuttle astronauts were upset about President Obama’s recent decision to push back any manned expedition to Mars until the year 2035. This was to have been the shuttle Atlantis’ last mission, with only two flights scheduled for the remaining two shuttle spacecraft.
In an exchange overheard by reporters at the Lyndon Johnson Spaceflight Center here, Commander Haverford expressed what he said was the crew’s  unanimous decision to take this impromptu detour.
“Twenty thirty-five? Y’all gotta be kiddin’ me!  I’ll be too old to go. Besides, this ole gal ain’t ready for the scrap heap, no sir. She’s got plenty of spaceflight left in her yet.”
Mr. Haverford said the crew had only docked at the Space Station to unload some unnecessary equipment and to take on a few more passengers. “Some of those Ruskies wanted to come along, so we said, get on board, pardners! Heck, they stay up here so long those boys in Moscow won’t even notice they’re gone.”
Mission control engineers said there had been no sign of the planned Mars attempt, though one NASA spokesman did say that just before liftoff the crew had asked for a complete set of Bruce Willis movies.
When asked how the crew planned to make the three-year, 70 million-mile round trip  in a shuttle that was designed to go a few hundred miles into earth orbit,  Mr. Haverford was quick to reply, “Good ole American can do spirit, that’s how. And if we run into any problems, we’ll just wing it!”
For more Richieville humor, read the comic sci-fi novel, Rate Me Red.